road less traveled

The last three years....

Our story in a short version... My husband, AJ, and I got engaged in February 2010 and were planning a summer wedding, but hadn't set a date yet because we were waiting to hear when his brother would return from Iraq that summer. On April 22, 2010 we received a phone call from my husbands younger sister asking if we could help her out with her two youngest kids for a couple of weeks. Her husband had left with the kids and were several states over (from Alabama to Oklahoma). He wasn't suppose to be around the kids... long story. By 3am Friday morning, April 23rd, we were driving through Oklahoma to pick up a 12 month old and 25 month old who we had never met (my husbands niece and nephew). When we got home with these two babies, we saw a story unfold like no other... things I could never dream up! The abuse, the neglect was just heart breaking. We immediately began to investigate the situation more. We found that my husbands sister and her husband were "state hopping" from DHS and the law. They had flown under the radar in 3 other states. When they would get in trouble in a state, they would pack up in their RV and move to another state. So, my husband and I saw a need and felt God has placed these babies in our care for a reason. We threw the wedding plans out the door and eloped the next week ~ May 1st, 2010 (my dads birthday). Long story, short ~ no state had jurisdiction because they were not residents of any state. We hired a lawyer and were awarded temporary guardianship 2 weeks after we had them. By September we were awarded Perm Guardianship, with intent to adopt. By this time we were out around $30k w/ lawyer fees, court costs, daycare, etc. November 2010 we found out we were expecting a baby! :)  With all of the expenses and trying not to accumulate any more debt with lawyer fees, we put the adoption on hold. 

Our testimony: September 2012, we went through a Sunday school series on giving. At the end of the lesson, AJ and I felt so convicted to begin faithfully tithing even if we "felt" like we may not have it... We were paying up to $1700 a month for daycare for the 4. We had no financial help from any source. Benton county laughed at me and said, the problem didn't happen here so it wasn't their problem and wouldn't help with daycare or anything. There were months I didn't know if this was the month we needed to file for bankruptcy... Let me tell you how faithful our savior is!! Later in Sept, we found out that Sarah qualified for ABC preschool, then in October, a spot opened up for Logan. I was filling out his paperwork and told AJ that I would figure out what to do with him daycare-wise next year. The lady looked at me and said, "now you know this is a 2 year program?" Praise the Lord!!! I work for a subsidiary of Hallmark Cards; their Christian division, DaySpring Cards as a designer. They allowed me to shift my hours in the office so that I wouldn't have after school daycare expenses and work partly from home. Then in November, they announced the new benefits for 2013 they were upping the reimbursement program for adoptions to $5,000 per child!!!! ~This allowed us to move forward and petition for adoption in December 2013. The beginning of the 2013 I was promoted to Senior Designer with a raise. The court set our date for June 5th, 2013 where when we went in, the judge immediately granted our adoption w/in 10 minutes!! We have so much to be thankful for and we give God ALL the Glory!! 3 long years ended with a beautiful, happy day! So... we celebrated!

It hasn't been without trials. AJ's aunt gave us some of the best advise one time. We were going through a really rough patch with the oldest and her resistance to me. His aunt asked, "has it been without thorns?" AJ's response was, "NO! it's been kind of tough!" She responded, "If it were your own children, it wouldn't be without thorns." ~ SO VERY TRUE!!!

The kids mother is currently in prison in Oklahoma. Their father is in hiding. It's very sad, but it's something our babies will never have to relive ever again. We are extremely BLESSED to have them!!! We are madly in love with them both! They know no other than AJ and I as dad and mom. 

So we celebrated last Saturday with a Randolph Family Adoption Celebration! My mom and dad played a HUGE role in helping us in the beginning financially. My dad claimed them as his grand kids before I realized they would be mine. ;) He LOVED kids!! When I was four months pregnant with my youngest (Jace) my dad went to be with the Lord. My 3 older kids talk about papa being in heaven with Jesus almost daily. We wanted to release our balloons so papa could celebrate with us because this was a day he said will come in time! In 4th grade I remember releasing balloons and putting a note on there with our name and info to see how far the balloons traveled ~ I thought what a wonderful idea for the kids!

God is good all the time! So... our journey begins!

a love letter to daddy

I miss you, dad! Wish you were still here ~ I have so many things I want to tell you! 
I know you would be happy for me and I know of all people, YOU would be proud of me! Boy have we had a lot of changes the last two years. 


You should see these kids ~ oh how they have grown! Natalie is almost as tall as me and more beautiful than ever~ inside and out! We caught her reading her Bible the other day in her room and it blessed me so much!! She's my prayer warrior! We asked her 'why pray?' and she responded, "because it works!!" Oh to have her faith!! She's still a straight A student! She's exceeding her average reading levels and loves math just like me. She is an incredible big sister! The kids look up to her and she is setting a great example for them. She sure misses you. Some times out of the blue I see a little tear. I'll hug her and ask what's wrong and her response is typically, "I miss Pawpaw!" We all miss you dearly.

Sis and Bub are now in preschool and are thriving!!! Every day is a day closer to finishing paperwork for the adoption ~ looks like early spring this year. All along our hope was to complete it before Sarah started kindergarten. I texted the lawyer this morning to see where we were, looks like we are still on track. We plan to have a big, happy celebration! Wish you were here to celebrate with us.  

Sis is so much like you and I! She's so stinkin' bullheaded and she steals the hearts of everyone she meets! You can't help but love her so much. She thinks of you a lot because she will enthusiastically bring up the fact that you are now with Jesus in heaven! We can't wait to all be with you and Jesus some day. She loves Jesus, anything made of sugar, her family, her Bible, her dolls and pancakes. She would have pancakes for dinner every night if she was in charge of the menu. She tests me a lot, but I know when she's older, her thriving personality will make her a leader. AJ and I both have had a clear vision about Sarah and her situation. We feel like the Lord has laid it on our hearts to somehow get our story out. We have a federal system is set up to protect children from sexual predators, but there is nothing that protects a child from an abusive situation. Through our experience with Sarah, we have a story to tell. We hope it opens the proper eyes in helping other children not to have to go through what our baby girl has had to endure. We are calling our task "Saving Sarah." We are having her tested again this week for speech at school. She's too smart for her own "dood"!! ;) but she still struggles on her pronunciation of words still at four years old. Hopefully we can get her the help she needs before she starts kindergarten this fall! She has come so far! We are so proud of her. I think I'm going to enroll her into music or dance. She loves to perform we're just not sure sports are going to be the best stage for her. We tried the soccer thing, but whew! she let us know that was hard work. LOL

Bub is just an old soul in a three-year-old body. He's such a smart little boy. He has dreams bigger than this world.  He loves anything that wears a cape, or anything that could be a cape, anything that's made of sugar and a full sippy cup of milk first thing in the morning. All he can think about is becoming a super hero when he grows up and some day driving a tractor like daddy! We enrolled them into soccer this last fall. Logan is a natural! He's such a light weight he just flew down the field with great foot control!  These two are like having twins... they are growing up so fast! Now I understand what it might have been like when Kim and Jerrie were little. Can't believe it's been almost three years since they came to live with us! In some ways, it seems like yesterday. In other ways I can't remember life without them!!

I know for sure you would be so proud of this little man you never met outside the womb... He is such a ham! We named him after you and mom. Jace ~ "J" for Jerry; "C" for Carol. He reminds me of you a lot. He loves candy canes, momma's lap, wearing anybody's shoes but his own, giving squeezers, making people laugh and stealing kisses! Smart! Oh, my is he ever smart! He still babbles his words out for the most part, but he doesn't miss much. His latest thing is if you tell him something or ask him something, he looks at you and says, "hu?" and of course, our natural response is to repeat ourselves... until the third and fourth "hu?". Then we all laugh and tell him "stop it" and he gets so tickled. Since day one, AJ would ask him if he had him wrapped around his finger... he use to make a cute little noise, but now he will show you his index finger just to be certain you knew you were wrapped around it! He has your hair and snores just like you too!! Can't believe he's already calling his big sister names like "doe-doe" lol. Natalie's okay with that nickname. She says it's a lot better than what Sarah use to call her. heheheh I have a picture of you praying over him in my belly in a frame in the living room. He walks around with that picture, hugs it, kisses it and says Pawpaw all the time. I know for sure he would be your fishing buddy!


AJ and I signed up to go as sponsors to kids camp this summer with the church!! We can't wait! We have so many great memories of kids camp when we were kids! We can't wait to be a part of growing  relationship with our Lord with these kids! Natalie is really excited we are going too! I think she has invited several of her friends to go to camp this summer. 

You wouldn't believe what all AJ has done to this house... It looks amazing! We're not done yet, but we have been so blessed! He is working on the kitchen now! A friend at work gave us her stove and microwave when she remodeled her kitchen. We couldn't have imagined how much more room that gave us in the kitchen. The whole back wall where the stove and oven used to be is now counter space. Our garage is now our bedroom and opens up into the living room. Sarah has her own room now too. AJ closed in the office area and she has the sweetest little pink and green room. Natalie's room is no longer little girl pink. She's growing up on me too fast and went with yellow walls with black and white bedding. The boys are sharing the larger of the old two bedrooms. We found the coolest bunk beds with a built in dresser and desk and bookshelf for them to grow into. Jerrie Lynn and BJ blessed us with custom closets in the boys room, Natalie's room and AJ & I's room. WOW! that was pretty incredible how much of a space saver it was!


I am truly blessed with the husband God gave me. He has a lot of your qualities. He is handy to have around the house and he is such an incredible daddy! He keeps me sane most days! And reminds me often to keep my cool. I told you I always saw myself with a large family... whew! Three little ones can either keep you young some days or make you feel really old!! Today, I am a very blessed momma and wife! AJ is working for the city now. He has a total commute of three minutes! We made a decision to try to stay close to home so he could be a part of the every day life at home instead of being on the road. Although the position doesn't pay much now from a financial standpoint, there is a lot of potential for growth... and he's home with me every night! It's also been such an opportunity to share his faith with many people. 


Oh, how God has richly blessed us so much... It's been a long almost three years. We liquidated everything we could to survive at times. You were right when you said this process was going to cost a lot. More than just finances, but sometimes cost us "things" too. We've realized quickly what are our true priorities and necessary items. You were also right when you told me, He is faithful if we are faithful. We are seeing His faithfulness first hand these days and we are humbly grateful! We made a commitment with our finances last fall not because we were expecting a blessing, but because we were convicted. Some times I worried about buying groceries or keeping our commitment. God has blessed us so much. We were given a huge blessing through my job to help with the adoption; I received a promotion with a raise; Sarah and Logan qualified for preschool which eliminated over a thousand dollars a month (some months over fifteen hundred) and the list goes on and on. We are able to bless others because He has blessed us! He is good ALL the time! 

Oh, daddy, I miss you so much. Thank you for your unconditional love. You have no idea what I would give if only I could hear you say, "I love you, baby!" just one more time! I miss our instant message chats during the day and those random emails that said, "I just wanted you to know I love you." I love you and miss you sooo much it hurts sometimes!!! Thanks for always loving me "enough"!! I can still see you signing me in sigh language 'I love you!' with your million dollar smile to back it up! I can't believe it's been over two years since I've heard your voice.

I hope you are kicking up your heels and smiling! I can't wait to see you again very soon!

love,
your baby girl

My darling Mother

Having a mother like you while growing up was the greatest gift and the biggest advantage anyone could have given me. It is because of the confidence and values that you and daddy instilled in me that made me who I am today. Thank you for shaping me into a person who I like and am proud to be. Thank you for letting me believe that I could be whoever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, there were no limitations except my drive, ambition and creativity.

Having you in my life through the last few years has been a blessing to me. If there was a text book on how to be the perfect mother to a daughter who at times felt like she could conquer the world and other days felt like a total failure, it would have you as the role model.

Thank you for your unwavering support throughout my journey of motherhood. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for loving and fearing God. Thank you for instilling that fear and love for God in me. Thank you for showing me joy and peace when I know your heart is broken and longs for daddy. Thank you for being strong and for telling me to be strong. Thank you for missing daddy. Thank you for always loving daddy and thank you for always being faithful to daddy. 

Thank you for always having hope for me when I didn’t have any for myself. Thank you for telling me not to give up when I said I couldn’t do it any more. Thank you for telling me these kids need me. Thank you for reminding me that God has a plan and is using me. Thank you for reminding me of the vision God placed on my heart almost four years ago now.

Thank you for never giving up on me when I went through that dark period, when I shut every one out of my life and became frustrated with everything and everyone. When loving me must have been like trying to hold a cactus. Thank you for loving me through all of my rejections of help and love.

Thank you for always thinking about how AJ must be feeling. Thank you for praying for a job close to home. Thank you for loaning me money and thank you for allowing me to take my time paying you back. Thank you for encouraging me to make our house a home for my family. Thank you for encouraging me to trust AJ’s talented hands and heart to construct it to fit our needs.

Thank you for sending AJ & I off on our first anniversary. Thank you for taking care of the kids and cleaning my house. Thank you for the extra cash to enjoy our trip. Thank you for your selfless love. Sometimes, because of pride, I take those blessings wrong, but please know I am ever grateful for all your help. Thank you for not holding it against me when I seem ungrateful. Thank you for teaching me to be humble and to realize I can do without sometimes. Thank you for teaching me that receiving a blessing ~ blesses others.

Thank you for loving my kids as much as you love your own. They love their Mimi very much. Thank you for saying to me, with your whole heart, that you love my children 100%, even more, no matter where that child came from, mine or adopted. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and play with them.

Thank you for being with me at the hospital when I gave birth to Natalie and Jace. Thank you for being in court with me when we took in Logan and Sarah. Thank you for washing my laundry, my floors and my kids, for cooking us breakfast, lunch and dinner and always having special treats. You gave me some dignity. Thank you for taking my kids to day care every day while I recovered from child birth. Thank you for putting up with the unexpected outbursts and rolling emotions from my toddlers.

Thank you for being there on our special day when we found out that Jace was a boy. Remember how we laughed when we saw his what-knots, how you said that our boy has big balls. Thank you for having Natalie in your home so I wouldn’t have to pay daycare last summer.  Thank you for going with me when I went into labour, thank you for being there, I needed you there. All I wanted was my husband, my mother (my dad) and sisters there.

Thank you for having my kids pictures in your home with pride.

Thank you for allowing me to borrow dads truck when I know it would have been convenient for you to have it many times. Thank you, for every thing you have done for me, thank you for every thing you have said, and for all the times when you said nothing and just listened.

Thank you for being such a wonderful mother when your own mother rarely let you be a child. Thank you for being so wonderful when your own childhood was harder than what you gave me. I am so sorry you never got to experience how wonderful it is to have such a loving, caring, supportive mother and a mother who lives close enough to be there in a few hours to help.

Thank you thank you thank you. For a million things, for everything. I don’t know what I would do without you. There are so many many more things, small things, big things.

I love you very very much, if I could be half as good a mother to my children as you are to your children, I will have done exceptionally well.

Thank you momma, I love you, more than words can ever express.

Your baby,

Suzanne

longing for no more hope

I Corinthians 13:13, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I recently sat through a sermon on the idea of a past blog on I Corinthians 13. The preacher replaced "love" for "God" and took it further and asked us to place our name in replace for the word "love." So the passage would read like this: "Suzanne is patient. Suzanne is kind. Suzanne isn't envious. Suzanne doesn't boast..." You get the picture. Makes me pretty humble to really examine whether my name belongs in there or not and in most cases... it did not.

Lately I have thought about the concept of "hope." We have a close friend of the family whose step daughter has recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I spoke with our friend briefly and the one thing that stood out to me in our conversation was when she talked about the other families they have met at the hospital. The families who do not have Jesus. That they seem hopeless and don't seem to have any place to turn. Imagine going through a situation where you didn't have God to rely on.

Imagine a world without hope. What is hope... Webster defines it "to cherish a desire with anticipation;" "to desire with expectation or obtainment;" "to expect with confidence/trust." It is used as both a noun and a verb.

At some point in our being, we will no longer need Hope or Faith. Colossians 1:27 reads, "Christ in you, the hope of glory." Hope is given to us to keep us focused on things to come... to keep us focused on seeing our Savior. Faith is believing, but both faith and hope are for us only here on earth, however, love is forever.

We need to live for love... for faith will be fulfilled ...and hope... hope will be a reality when we are reunited with our Savior. Today's focus is on love. Once we are in His presence, we no longer need to hope. Our hope is fulfilled and we are left with only love... which is the greatest of these three. And since "God is love" ~ oh, the heavenly bliss!

don't you realize

`I heard a lady's testimony today online and it touched me deeply. The words, "Don't you realize ~ that you cannot make your own heart beat? don't you realize ~ that all the power you think you posses, that you posses none of it? It is the mercy of God that sustains you... even when you hate Him." (Gianna Jessen 2008)

How often I think I'm in control when I have absolutely no control of even my own heart beat. This quote reminded me so much of my father. How the Lord has used his life as a walking testimony of God's healing power. How over and over again, God has given him the strength to keep faithfully walking. It amazes me daily what God has done for my dad.

Gianna Jessen is an abortion survivor. Her verbal testimony states that her biological mother, at the age of 17, decided to have a saline abortion in the seventh month of pregnancy. When all odds stacked against her... God had more power. When everyone gave up on her... she was hated since conception... when no one wanted her... when her life was not needed... God made it clear that He had a plan for her. God made it clear that He loves her. After 18 hours from the injection, she arrived alive. Death didn't win. "I consider all for the glory of God." "God has a way of making the most miserable thing beautiful."

Do you realize that death is the last battle Christ will fight for us? Christ has overcome death. Upon His return, "the dead in Christ will rise first," I Thessalonians 4:16

what He does for us

Romans 12:3 (the Message) "I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him."

Let me just start with.... WOAH! What a ride the last few months have been. I'll try to catch up to my life on the blog soon. Life has been an incredible whirlwind ~ and that statement alone is an understatement!

This morning I'm reading in Romans 12. I recommend you take a minute and read it. It's full of great thoughts and ways we must place our life at the feet of God. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%2012&version=MSG

My study this morning goes hand in hand trying to create God in my box... in my image... in my little life. How I try to fit Him in a box to fit in all areas ~ sometimes He fits better in some areas than other areas. We are told in the first few verses of Romans 12 to take our ordinary life... our sleeping, our eating, going-to-work, walking around and place every area at the feet of God as an offering. If we are not whole heartedly giving everything breath we have to God for Him to guide we are giving Him nothing. I know I find myself becoming so well-adjusted to my every day life that I forget to bow my head just to say thank you. I forget to give God the praise for the successes and the failures. I forget to give everything over to Him. Verse 2 of Romans 12 says that if I continue to fix my attention on God I'll be changed from the inside out. It's at that time I can recognize exactly what He wants for me and I can respond to it appropriately.

Just this week I changed jobs within the company I work for. I initiated this move for many reasons, but mainly because I was losing focus of why I was doing what I was doing. My motives changed. My heart changed and I was dreading coming to work every morning. I recognized this a few months ago and realized that it was time for a change. I felt like God was telling me to start a new chapter in my career. This week I've noticed a change in my attitude at home and work. It's amazing when you take the appropriate steps and really listen to what God wants for me and answering that call.

Every morning in our routine taking Natalie to school, I hold her hand and pray with her in the car. My prayer includes lifting our family up in prayer. We go through each member and pray for healing, strength, health and peace. Everyday we lift up Mimi and Pawpaw. We lift up Kim and Jim. We lift up BJ and Jerrie. We lift up Michelle and Mikey. We lift up Jeremy. We lift up Sissy and Bubba and AJ. We lift up my work. Among other things we specifically lift Natalie up and claim protection over her for the day. I pray for her teachers, her friends, classmates and the school building. I specifically pray for parts of her body. I claim protection over her tongue that she uses her words for encouragement and not to tear down even to those who are not nice to her. We pray for her feet to take her to the right place at the right time. We pray for her hands to be used to glorify God and to do the right things.

Just as our tongue, feet and hands make up our bodies, our roles and functions as individuals make up the body of Christ. I love how our bodies are representations of the body of Christ. Each of us have a role and function within the kingdom of God.

Verses 4-6 of Romans 12 it talks about the various parts of the human body in comparison of the body of Christ. "Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of His body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."

Just as my job became a dreadful walk every day, I have to look at my spiritual walk and be sure that I don't become an empty body burning out and just going through the motions. Verse 9-13 says it beautifully: "Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for deal life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourself fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality."

Some times I struggle with thinking someone "owes" me something. If they've done something to me or said something that my have hurt me. The last part of Romans 12 hit home for sure. Verses 14-21, "Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath." Oh, man... I'm guilty of that one. "Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy..." That seems easy enough. "...share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody. Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone..." So many times I judge "beauty" from the outside in. "...If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."" WOW! that put me in my seat.

20-21, "Our scripture tells us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good."

Lord, thank you for laying Romans 12 out for me today. I truly needed to hear what you had in store for me. Thank you for my little Natalie. Thank you for the babies you have placed in my care. Thank you for my supportive family and my loving husband. Please continue to use me in all aspects of life. Help me keep You lifted up and keep you as the primary focus in life. We give you the praise and glory in Jesus' precious name!

into His

The other night I was reading and these words hit my heart: "Maybe it's time to stop placing four-dimensional limits on God. Maybe it's time to stop putting God in a box the size of your cebral cortex. Maybe it's time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His."

How big is your God? Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio talk about the indescribable God. How He is bigger than the universe and can fit it all in the palm of His hand. I love the way they explain God's size. I cannot do it justice and often tend to underestimate the "bigness" of my God. So many times I try to make Him fit into my situation or fit into my life when I'm not even a spec on the map. But... for some odd, indescribable reason, He cares and longs for me... yes, little ole me.

I love God's explanation of Himself when He was responding to Job's cry. Job 11: 7 "Do you think you can explain the mystery of God? Do you think you can diagram God Almighty? God is far higher than you can imagine, far deeper than you can comprehend, Stretching farther than earth's horizons, far wider than the endless ocean..."

Wow! How would I describe God? Ooooph ~ that's the problem. I have got to stop trying to create God in my image, my imagination, my description... and let Him continue to work me into His image. I cannot do God justice by putting boundaries on His greatness. I cannot do God justice by trying to explain His mightiness. If He can calm a storm with three simple words ~ "peace be still;" flood the world for forty days... He pretty much is out of the grasp of my imagination of exactly how powerful He truly is.

The changing seasons shows me a glimpse of how much beauty and power my God has. Autumn is my favorite time of year. I think I love fall because I don't handle the heat of the summer very well and by the end of summer, I'm longing for some relief. The colors in Northwest Arkansas arrange from greens, yellows, oranges, reds, deep purple and browns. It's as though God pulled out the paint brushes and went to work ~ creating a masterpiece. BUT... there's really something truly amazing about Springtime.

The last couple of weeks, I have sat at my desk at work, and watched out the window and see the field of cattle what once was dormant field of brown grass turning into a lush pasture of green. A beautiful pair of finches have taken up residence in the tree six feet from my desk. I've been blessed to watch them pick out real estate and single handedly bring in one twig at a time building a nest suitable for a quickly growing family. I love watching the male perched in the tree beside their new home inspecting his work, bringing in food and taking care of his soon to be family. The cows are grazing their new summer fields. They were moved from winter pastures last week and have finally settled in to their new surroundings. Life is happening all around me. The daffodils are making their appearances all over town. The dogwood tree in the backyard is in full bloom... life.

His beauty is all around us. Spring is so refreshing ~ it's a new start. It's a fresh breath of air. It's a renewing of the spirit ~ into His spirit. But having an eye for all of this beauty around I still cannot fathom the full holiness of God. I cannot wrap my mind around how to completely define Him. I see His work all around me, but that only proves there is so much more that I cannot see of Him. I think I have made my God too small. Do I fear Him? Do I fear Him enough? What exactly do I know about Him... about Holy? ...Just the glimpse of Him brings my humble heart crumbling ...I cannot imagine knowing His wholeness ~ I may never know. I know only a glimpse of what He might be. ...all I can say is ~ wow.

There's a song that I often hear that reminds me exactly how BIG my God really is. Addison Road has a beautiful song call, "What Do I Know of Holy."

Here are the lyrics & video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS-bRarAZ2g

What Do I Know of Holy

Words and Music by Jenny Simmons and Alli Rogers

I’ve made you promises a thousand times • I’ve tried to hear from heaven • But I talk the whole time • I think I made you too small • I’ve never feared you at all, no • If you touched my face would I know you • Looked into my eyes could I behold you

What do I know of you • Who spoke me into motion • Where have I even stood • But the shore along your ocean • Are you fire, are you fury • Are you sacred, are you beautiful • So what do I know • What do I know of holy

I guess I thought that I had you figured out • I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about • How you were mighty to save • But those were only empty words on a page • Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be • The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy • What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame • And a God who gave life its name • What do I know of Holy • Of the One who the angels praise • All creation knows your name • On earth and heaven above • What do I know of this love • © 2007 Simple Tense Songs / Alli Rogers Publishing / ASCAP. Administered by Simpleville Music Inc. All rights reserved.

Pretty humbling... I guess it's truly time to stop creating God in my image and let Him create me into His.

Oh Lord, thank you for your mighty hand! Thank you for your holiness. Cleanse me... Use me... make me holy. Make me into what you want me to be, Lord. Thank you for the beauty around me. Help to not use what I know of you as empty words, but as an impact to those around me. You are beautiful, You are sacred... teach me. Thank you for the wounds that have healed my shame. I thank You and praise You in Jesus, precious name.