Man, last Friday I was grumpy. I worked long hours last week and I was ready for the weekend. At my desk, I had my headphones on and was plugging away getting work done, and didn't feel like interacting with anyone or anything. I was finding it difficult to be the light. I'm pretty sure I actually brought the darkness with me that day.
I recently finished reading Mark Batterson's book In the Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. I would highly recommend it if you are looking for something to read. I started another one of his books the other night, Wild Goose Chase. I think God is telling me to run. But where? I'm not sure.
Tonight while reading, I'm really starting to question if I'm doing what God has called me to do. Scary thought ~ hu? Yah ~ tell me about it. I'm trying to figure it all out... trying to understand what it is He wants me to do. I just know what I'm currently doing could be ending a chapter and a new one is about to begin. You know when you're reading a really good book and you just can't wait to get to the end because you know there's something profound that you're dying to figure out, but you have to finish reading the beginning and middle to get the full impact of the ending. That's the best I can describe this chapter in my life right now.
I started thinking about my bad day I had last Friday... How many people did I burn out their light that day too? Is that how I want to be remembered? ...as the grumpy, plump chick who grumbles to herself in the corner? AUGH! I often think about what people would put on my tombstone should I pass away. Ever have that thought? How will you be remembered? What few, simple words would sum up you life on a stone?
I was reading tonight and came across a reference of a bold missionary, A.W. Milne, who set a one way trip to minister to a tribe of headhunters in New Hebrides. Story says that all other missionaries to this tribe had been martyred, but for some reason, this particular man ministered to the headhunters for thirty-five years yet still never returned home. When the tribe buried the missionary, they wrote the following epitaph on his tombstone: "When he came there was no light. When he left there was no darkness." WOW! ...beautiful.
Jesus came as the Light. John was sent as a light, just as John 1:8-9 says that "he came only as witness to the Light. The true Light that gives light to every man was coming into the world." He has sent us to be His light not the darkness.
Oh, Lord, thank you for being the Light. Thank you for the grace you offer me so many times a day. Help me to daily die in the flesh so I can shine brightly for You. Help me to be sensitive to the darkness so I can avoid dragging it along with me. Thank you for the smile on my face and the skip in my step. In Jesus' precious name.
