purge your conscience

Hebrews 9:14 ~ is what I read in my hand writing on the edge of a piece of paper. I think I remember writing that reference down in church, but I don't recall why.... so I looked up Hebrews 9:14.

"How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?" Hebrew 9:14

Wow! 

I'm reading a book called Releasing the Rivers Within by Dwight Edwards. It's pretty powerful. In fact, as I'm reading, I'm finding myself going back every few paragraphs and reading it again just to be sure that was what I just read. There is affirmation going on... Edwards talks briefly about fear, then a stirring, bearing different fruit, strong roots and I just read about giving up the easy road and go where Christ went. Jesus was in the streets, in the crowds, with the sick, healing, touching mingling with the lepers.  I see as a Christian how easy it is to be intertwined in a world of what might be called "safe and easy." In this safe bubble... I would think that I primarily have friends who call themselves "Christians".  It hits me... how do I reach the lost and share God's word if all my acquaintances and friends already know of the God I love? 

In this book, Edwards says, "An inevitable part of the life of Christ flowing out through us will be fishing for men and seeking the lost." ...fishing for men... hhmmm ~ I've been hearing this quite a bit.

This morning I read a friends blog who talked about trees extending up praise and how it is the roots that give strength. It made me smile! So I'm reading along in my book this afternoon about how God has rooted us and gives us strength... How our branches should not only be intertwined with only other Christians, but stretched out to the world. It is the life of Christ flowing through me... using me to touch the world... not just my world. These are not my doings... this is God working through us.

...Oh, I love it when He does this! It is clear what God wants me to do... purge my conscience of dead works and work for the One who offers eternal life. 

Okay, Lord... 

how?

lipstick

Several months ago, I began this blog site thinking that lipstick was the start and ending of each day... Just yesterday I pulled a tube of lip balm out of the damp washing machine... just glad I grabbed it before it reached the dryer! So many things in my life remind me of Natalie. Even when she's not sitting next to me on the sofa, I think about her. When she's at her dads for a weekend, I long for her return. She is somewhat of a lifeline to me ~ she keeps me grounded and in check ~ more than she will ever know.  The other night I forgot to give thanks for our meal. She reached out her hand across the table for mine, smiled, bowed her head and waited for me to give grace. :) 

The few times in my life when she's not near me, I still think about her. In the same realm, God is near me. It is a consistent conscience effort to acknowledge His presence, but it is becoming more natural. There was an incident today while mowing that I laughed out loud. I was listening to my ipod and found myself praising and worshiping Him. He makes me smile. :) 

Just as lipstick, God should be so much a part of my every day. In fact, God should be applied as lipstick... metaphorically speaking. He is the one who should always guard my lips. It's like applying lipstick... apply God ...to my lips. If my heart is longing to be in His presence and be relying on Him, my lips should only speak of the goodness of Him. Some times I'm terrible at this ~ especially at work. It's difficult to not get frustrated and easy to use the tongue of negativity.

Proverbs 21:23 says, He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity (KJV says: keepeth his soul from troubles). 

Colossians 3 where it talks about holy living, verse 8 says, but now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 

In Hebrews 13:15, Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.

I have to remind myself constantly to watch what I say and keep God on the tip of my tongue. I John 4 keeps me and my soul in check :) I am told that I live in him and He lives in me. Why? Because he had given me His Spirit. I'm reassured that if I acknowledge Jesus is the son of God, God lives in me and I live in God. It's easy to keep my lips singing His praises when I remind myself to love my brother... to "live in love because God is love and whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him." I am so glad I am born in love because I know that love comes from God. Oh, that's so refreshing!

Lord, Thank you for the song in my heart. Thank you for the love you give me every day, and how each day you show me You are here. Just as lipstick, protect my lips and guard my tongue to only speak of you. Thank you for holding me, loving me, showing me. You are an incredible God! Thank you for never changing! In your sons' precious name.

fear itself

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself." Whom shall I fear? Over and over I am commanded to “fear not” ~ by Christ, by angels, by God.

Fear has been on my mind a lot lately and for quite some time now. I think that there is definitely fear in many areas of my life. But the things I fear about are really not mine to fear.

So, what do I fear? Fear of failing... failing in my job, failing God, failing as a mother. Fear of letting go. Fear of losing Natalie.  I have been working on “letting it go and giving my all.”  It seems all my life, I have broken promises to God. I know I have let Him down. I know I've failed Him. I’m reminded of a song by Third Day, “Take it all, ‘cause I can’t take it any longer. All I have I can’t make it on my own; take the first, take the last, take the good and take the rest...” 

There are times when I think I'm in the middle of a storm.  I would love to think that my valley's are not deep and in reality ~ they are very shallow valleys. God will not give me more than I can handle. What will it take to overcome these fears? In saying the words "God, you can have it all. I turn it all over to you." My gut feeling instantly pulls back and I  say to myself "except Natalie ~ she's all I have." I want to turn everything over... but I don't want to give up certain things because I fear loss.  Matthew 10:36-38, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." Do I love Natalie more than I love God? In Mark 12, Jesus said that the widow has put more into the treasury than all of the others although she gave very little. Why did he say that? He says that everyone gave out of their own wealth, but the widow, out of her poverty put everything she had in. She gave him her all ~ everything she had. 

I'm also reminded of the story in Genesis 22 when Abraham took Isaac to the alter for sacrifice because God told him to. Abraham was obedient and without hesitation built the altar, laid Isaac on top of the wood and as he reached for the knife to slay his son, an angel of the Lord called out to him and told him to not lay a hand on the boy. "I know you fear God because you have not withheld from me your only son." God was gracious and merciful and because Abraham was obedient. I know God isn't asking me to give up Natalie... nor is that in the plans. But I understand the love I gain from her and I know God wants me to love Him the way I love her.  God knows the desires of my heart. With God, when I let go ~ I gain everything! 

The antidote for fear is love ~ bottom line. For perfect love casts out fear! I John 4:18 reads, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment..”  The enemy, Satan, loves to torment and is the author of all fear. This verse goes on to say, “The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  I know love Him, Christ, because He first loved me.  

It's hard not to fear. I'm in “waiting” right now. There's something big in the works... I'm letting go, I'm waiting, listening and trying to understand without fearing.

One of Natalie’s favorite songs “I’m letting Go” by Francesca Battistelli speaks what my heart is saying right now. My heart beats, standing on the edge • But my feet have finally left the ledge • Like an acrobat • There’s no turning back • I’m letting go • Of the life I planned for me • And my dreams • I’m losing control • Of my destiny • It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe • So I’m letting go • This is a giant leap of faith • Trusting and trying to embrace • The fear of the unknown • Beyond my comfort zone • Giving in to your gravity • Knowing You are holding me • I’m not afraid • Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe • Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me. It's scary to think that I am not in control of my life, but in the same breath refreshing to know that my life is in the hands of a wonderful, merciful God! From here on out it's not my destiny, Lord; the life I have planned for myself now belongs to You! I do feel like I'm falling and giving in to your gravity! For it is just fear itself that I fear... 

Lord, thank you for Natalie ~ she is truly a blessing in my life and is a desire of my heart. Thank you for Your grace and mercy and your patience with me as I journey with You! Thank you for the path you lay ahead and for the helping me overcome my fears. Thank you for your protection over me and my little family. Thank you for your consistency! Your love endures forever!  In Jesus' precious name!

middle of living

"Let it go. It's time... are you ready? I'm waiting. everything..." 

I can't stop thinking about Sunday's lesson. Pastor Jay talked about the story of Simon Peter lending his boat to Jesus. Then Jesus telling Peter to go back on the water and cast your nets again. Even though Peter had no success fishing the previous night. He was tired. He was finishing his routine; washing out his nets. As I read the dialog, I'm guessing that he probably had some hesitation, maybe even a little burdened that someone wanted to use his boat. The dialog proves he didn't argue the point to not go back out to sea, but definitely made a point to mentioned to Jesus they had worked all night and still caught nothing (Luke 5:5). Probably a bit under his breath... as though Jesus didn't already know this. But Peter followed Jesus request with no hesitation "because you say so, I will let down my nets." Those are powerful words.  Am I willing to surrender and let my nets down?

Can you imagine the feelings that Simon Peter had when he tugged on his nets and could not pull them in by himself because his nets were so full. I wonder if he thought for a split second that maybe his nets had hung up on a limb or rock or something. I know he believe in Jesus. He had already referred to him as Master once on this day before casting his nets. I can imagine there being glee in his heart... like pride while he was pulling his nets... I know I would.  I would imagine for a few minutes, he got caught up in the tugging and joy of pulling in the catch.  

In verse 8, it states that Peter realizes what has just happened ~ how Jesus has supplied his boats with over flowing fish.   Peter falls to his knees... praising Jesus ~ seeing all of the sin in his life. He humbly tells Jesus, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" Peter sees what the Lord has done... another miracle. 

Now, I imagine Peter feeling embarrassed and ashamed of his actions ~ first hesitation and probably a little doubt, then it turning into pride. I would imagine Peter was probably thinking to himself... I'm such a fool. Jesus calmly said, "do not be afraid, from this point on, you will be fishers of men." 

Simon Peter did not hesitate... It says in verse 11 that they pulled up their boats, and left everything to follow Jesus. They had just hit the jackpot. They were at the peak of their fishing career. Their boats were overflowing. They had plenty ~ enough and then some! 

This is exactly what I've been hearing... I'm in a place in life where I have everything I need and most everything I could want. I'm very comfortable where I'm sitting ..good career, good car, a little cozy house, a wonderful family, an amazing daughter... I can say that life is good. ...but I'm hearing... "turn everything over to me. Are you willing to walk away for me?"  Now, I'm not saying I hear "walk away from my responsibilities..." I'm hearing "don't just lean on me... let me hold you. I want you to depend solely on me." 

Jay put it so clear Sunday (paraphrased) ~ "just because you are comfortable... you are in the middle of life... are you ready to give that up... to fulfill God's purpose?"

Peter wasn't out looking for a journey or career with Jesus. Jesus gave him the opportunity to trust him and Peter did just that. Peter was living life... He was in the middle of a work day... cleaning his nets as routinely I'm sure he had done many times. Just as I am... wrapped up in my every day life of work, chores, etc. 

Is God calling me to give it all? Yah, I believe He is... This is only the beginning... there's so much more in store. Right in the middle of living life I see how I am just now starting to live. 

Lord, you are an incredible God! Each day you continue to give me more than what I had yesterday. Every day is a new morning, feels like I'm living for the very first time in my life. Your love is more real than anything! I have a feeling in my soul and I pray that I'm not wrong ~ that it is all You! The life that I have now is only the beginning! Lord, use me; send me! Thank you for finding me and realizing that I am not broken beyond repair. You give me breath, you give me everything I have! I cry out to you ~ for you are hope for the hopeless and strength to the weak. Blessed is the name of Jesus! In Christ precious name I praise you!