fear itself

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself." Whom shall I fear? Over and over I am commanded to “fear not” ~ by Christ, by angels, by God.

Fear has been on my mind a lot lately and for quite some time now. I think that there is definitely fear in many areas of my life. But the things I fear about are really not mine to fear.

So, what do I fear? Fear of failing... failing in my job, failing God, failing as a mother. Fear of letting go. Fear of losing Natalie.  I have been working on “letting it go and giving my all.”  It seems all my life, I have broken promises to God. I know I have let Him down. I know I've failed Him. I’m reminded of a song by Third Day, “Take it all, ‘cause I can’t take it any longer. All I have I can’t make it on my own; take the first, take the last, take the good and take the rest...” 

There are times when I think I'm in the middle of a storm.  I would love to think that my valley's are not deep and in reality ~ they are very shallow valleys. God will not give me more than I can handle. What will it take to overcome these fears? In saying the words "God, you can have it all. I turn it all over to you." My gut feeling instantly pulls back and I  say to myself "except Natalie ~ she's all I have." I want to turn everything over... but I don't want to give up certain things because I fear loss.  Matthew 10:36-38, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." Do I love Natalie more than I love God? In Mark 12, Jesus said that the widow has put more into the treasury than all of the others although she gave very little. Why did he say that? He says that everyone gave out of their own wealth, but the widow, out of her poverty put everything she had in. She gave him her all ~ everything she had. 

I'm also reminded of the story in Genesis 22 when Abraham took Isaac to the alter for sacrifice because God told him to. Abraham was obedient and without hesitation built the altar, laid Isaac on top of the wood and as he reached for the knife to slay his son, an angel of the Lord called out to him and told him to not lay a hand on the boy. "I know you fear God because you have not withheld from me your only son." God was gracious and merciful and because Abraham was obedient. I know God isn't asking me to give up Natalie... nor is that in the plans. But I understand the love I gain from her and I know God wants me to love Him the way I love her.  God knows the desires of my heart. With God, when I let go ~ I gain everything! 

The antidote for fear is love ~ bottom line. For perfect love casts out fear! I John 4:18 reads, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment..”  The enemy, Satan, loves to torment and is the author of all fear. This verse goes on to say, “The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  I know love Him, Christ, because He first loved me.  

It's hard not to fear. I'm in “waiting” right now. There's something big in the works... I'm letting go, I'm waiting, listening and trying to understand without fearing.

One of Natalie’s favorite songs “I’m letting Go” by Francesca Battistelli speaks what my heart is saying right now. My heart beats, standing on the edge • But my feet have finally left the ledge • Like an acrobat • There’s no turning back • I’m letting go • Of the life I planned for me • And my dreams • I’m losing control • Of my destiny • It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe • So I’m letting go • This is a giant leap of faith • Trusting and trying to embrace • The fear of the unknown • Beyond my comfort zone • Giving in to your gravity • Knowing You are holding me • I’m not afraid • Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe • Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me. It's scary to think that I am not in control of my life, but in the same breath refreshing to know that my life is in the hands of a wonderful, merciful God! From here on out it's not my destiny, Lord; the life I have planned for myself now belongs to You! I do feel like I'm falling and giving in to your gravity! For it is just fear itself that I fear... 

Lord, thank you for Natalie ~ she is truly a blessing in my life and is a desire of my heart. Thank you for Your grace and mercy and your patience with me as I journey with You! Thank you for the path you lay ahead and for the helping me overcome my fears. Thank you for your protection over me and my little family. Thank you for your consistency! Your love endures forever!  In Jesus' precious name!