our piece

I should be a sleep right now... but I've been reading. I picked up a book the other day that's titled "What does the Bible say about DIVORCE." I was hoping it would give better insight than what it did. Primarily, it gave me great verse reference, but most of the references seemed to be chosen out of it's context from what it really meant. ...a little disappointed ~ wouldn't recommend the book, but oh well. :)

This week has been hard on me. I've thought a lot about this Sunday coming up for a while. This calendar day marks a few items down in history for me. It marks the anniversary date of my ex-husband and I wedding twelve years ago. It also marks the anniversary date of the day I filed for a divorce five years ago. I know I made those decisions. Both decisions were not easy, but they are what they are. I don't believe God wants us to be unhappy and the situation I was in prior to five years ~ I had lost my joy and peace. I felt alone.

After I browsed through the topics of my newly purchased book, (which I have to point out it was on the clearance table) I read some of the references, I thought to myself "I'll just shelf this book." A while back I had rearranged some nick-knacks in the bookshelf so I could add a few more things. My mother has the matching shelf in her house. She and dad gave me this shelf and a dresser about twelve years ago. I opened the door and a crash hit the hard wood floor shattering into a hundred pieces. My heart was saddened to see a sweet "prayer" ceramic pot hit the floor. This prayer jar was given to me by my mother about five years ago. I started picking up some of the papers that fell with the crash laying among the pile. They were small pieces of paper, typed and cut out perfectly. I had a small pile of different size papers in my hands when I realized these were not just any papers... I was holding written prayers that had fallen out of the cork sealed pottery piece which was now in a hundred pieces. 

I gathered them all up and started reading them one at a time, each one being more special than the one before. These were not just any prayers ~ these papers definitely came out of the crashed pot... These written prayers were my mother's prayers... NO... these prayers are the prayers she prays ...for me. I started crying. I started boo-hooing like a big baby! Not because I'm sad, but because it just hit me ~ she has prayed me through some very difficult times. Because it hit me ~ she is still praying these prayers for me today. 

The first one reads, "My prayer for you is: That God will lead you and protect you. MOM".

The next, "I pray that you will give God the glory in all things and you will come out victorious".  

Another ~ "My prayer for you is: (Health) Beloved, I wish above all things that you mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. III John 2"

I began to weep... "I pray that God will send someone your way to love you and Natalie like you have never known!"

At this point, tears were rolling... "My Prayer for you is: That God will supply all your needs & keep you from harm. MOM"

"I pray that you will teach your children about the ways of God!" ~ I'm trying momma... I really am. 

"My prayer for you is that Dad and I have instilled in you the love of God!" ~ thank you for doing this! He is an incredible God!

"My prayer for you is: (Fear) God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. II Timothy 1:7" ~ Yes! 

"My prayer for you is: That God will heal the broken heart. MOM" ~ wow, momma! He's still working on this one with me. It's been hard, but I'm doing good. 

"My prayer for you is: Psalm 91:1 If we dwell in the secret place of the most High we shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. This is a great chapter to stand on when we are going through trials." ~ This is a great chapter to stand on every day! I pray He continues to show me mercy... I have found joy in His shadows. 

"I pray God will give you joy and laughter." ~ It's time to rejoice!

The last one couldn't have come at a better time. And although my mother typed a grammar mistake it reads absolutely perfect! I read it through my tears, "I know things are tough right now but God is our piece & our refuge. Love, MOM". Things have been tough. I know God is my peace. I know God is my refuge! He is our "state of tranquillity or quiet" as Webster defines it. And just as my mom typed it... He is also my piece, "as part of a whole." He is the piece who makes me complete ~ who makes me whole. Without Him, I am nothing.

Though I'm saddened I have lost my prayer jar, I will still have the memories of the sweet, sweet prayers my mother typed for me. By this jar breaking, it reminded me that indeed, someone is praying for me. Thank you, Mom and Dad ~ for instilling in me the piece I need to make it through any situation. It is through His grace and mercy I am where I am today. 

Now, before I grab a broom and dustpan and pick up all of the pieces off the floor, I want to say, mom and dad, "My prayer for you is:" 

May you both find peace in knowing you have instilled in me the loving God you serve is also the precious, loving God I too serve; And together we can share the joy that only comes from having our piece of God!

a day in June

I recently ran to the local grocery store to pick up milk. My dad was in town and I knew we would need some breakfast goodies for the next morning and with the long hours at work that week I wasn’t able to make it to the grocery store. So... I'm standing in line with my gallon of milk, a platter of sausage patties, a box of Natalie's favorite "honey bunches" (of oats) cereal and two cans of Grands flaky biscuits. Natalie and Dad both love biscuits and gravy so I thought I would surprise them with a nice little breakfast in the morning. 

So, I'm standing in line. There's one checker ~ which I'm not complaining... it is 11pm and the people in front of me are there for only for a few items as myself. But I'm watching the checkout lady. Her name badge reads "June B." That struck me as familiar since Natalie and I have been reading through the Barbara Park's series of "Junie B. Jones" books the last couple of months.

June, the cashier, is probably about my age, but seems like life hasn't been quite as easy for her. Her teeth are a bit aged and may be a sign of a few bad choices in her life, but what caught my attention is her interaction with the customer. I'm standing there watching her smile and how she easily, with grace, encourages the lady in line. Two customers in front of me, June carries on conversation as though this customer was the most important thing in June's job. The customer walked off with a smile and June still in her pleasant demeanor waved her goodbye with the words "have a great night." 

At that moment, her attention immediately shifted to the lady in front of me in the checkout with the question "how are you doing tonight?" Her customer service attitude still gleamed and now the comfort and well being of the customer in front of me became the most important part of June B's job. The customer was telling her about her day, but talking softly so I didn't catch all.  June courteously reminded the customer not to forget her bag of ice on her way out.

Then it was my turn. There was no one was behind me. Natalie had stayed at the house with Paw as I made my quick dash to pick up my few breakfast items. June commented on my items and in a round about way complimented me by being prepared for the morning. I made a little comment to down play the "compliment" saying something to the effect... "oh, I should have gone last night, but I've been working too much and haven't found time." I suppose I was looking for a little sympathy... She again complimented me ... and I think the conversation went a little like this:

June: Hi

Me:  Hi

June: How are you? 

Me: I'm good.

June: Well, this is great that you're preparing for morning.

Me: oh, thanks ~ I should have gone last night, but I was working too late and didn't have time to get to the store... thought I would surprise the little one with biscuit and sausage in the morning... now i just have to get up and fix it in the morning.

June: then you could say, 'oh, honeyyyy.... I'm tired, I picked up breakfast... why don't you...

I stopped her in her tracks while both of us smiling at her cute come back and replied, "Oh, I'm a single mom." 

...now what kind of response is that? As soon as I heard myself say that, I suddenly thought to myself ~ are fishing for a compliment? or sympathy? That was pathetic.

Now... her comeback was better than my sympathetic sarcasm. She jokingly said with a smile, "you're lucky!" Her come-back stopped me in my tracks! She didn't buy into my sympathetic behavior at all... I laughed all the way to the car, but it made me think. …thank you June!

I’m “lucky?” Maybe more along the lines of “blessed”… Life didn’t turn out how “I” thought it would, but this “life” isn’t mine to plan. God is molding me and making me something stronger than I could ever dreamed of being. If I’m patient and willing to listen to God’s voice, my path becomes His. I humbly accept the servant role that He commands of me.  I’m not perfect… nor does He expect that of me. I know that it is my failures that make my faith stronger and my failures that keep me running back to Him.

I have been working long days... 17 and 19 hour days and I'm not the happiest camper in the park right now. I've been in the middle of meltdowns a couple of times this week. But my experience with June... was one of the most joyful experiences I have had in a while. 

I don’t know if June realizes what she does. Nor do I know if she realizes she touched my life. I don’t know if June knows God’s love, but I do know her compassion for others bring me joy. June wouldn’t let me bring myself down… instead of she added a smile to my long day.

Lord, thank you for June. I ask you to touch her life in a way that she knows it comes from You.  Continue to put a song in her heart and a smile on her face so that she blesses more people. Help me to be more compassionate towards people especially those whom I have an opportunity to make a lasting impression. There are pressures of life that bring me down constantly, but Lord, you gave me your yoke; your lighter load and even with that, you offer to carry it for me too. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your grace and mercy. I praise you for you are so worthy of all praise. In your son’s precious name.

pursue

I am blessed to be raised in a household of praying parents.

A while back my parents brought to my attention that there are times I, as Natalie's mother, do too much for Natalie ~ and planted a nibble in me that she needs to be more responsible with chores and morning routine. Out of that, I have seen Natalie's independence blossom. I find areas in her life that she is asking less of me and my help. Part of me still wants to do those things for her, but more of me understands the learning and growing experience that she needs to obtain from me backing off on some of her chores and hold her more accountable. My sister kept her for about two weeks a while back and I remember her telling me of an incident where her husband looked at my sister and said, "I'm sure Suzanne doesn't do every little thing for Natalie; relax and let Natalie figure a few things out on her own." 

There are stages of life when we do things for our children that they cannot do for themselves. Out of love we don't stop doing those things, but we teach them how to do those things for themselves. In a round about way, I'm responsible to let Natalie succeed (or fail) on her own. Should she succeed, she grows, but should she fail, she also grows. 

Just today I read an insert on a magazine I receive in the mail. This little story about a father and daughter fishing brought back memories of fishing with my dad and recent memories of Natalie fishing at the creek. The story was about the little girl praying for God to help her catch a fish. The father was hesitant to ask God for help... felt like his daughter was putting God on trial and knowing there has been times in his life such prayers or requests have not been answered. He didn't want to set false hope in his daughter. What if God thought this request was one not as important as others and decided not to answer it at this moment ~ thus setting false hope. But before he could explain to his daughter, she launched her prayer, "Jesus, please help me get a fish. Amen." 

I feel the same way this father felt sometimes with Natalie... is that want or need really grant a prayer or request from God? What if He doesn't feel this as important as what Natalie does?  

As a parent I want Natalie to grow in God and walk right next to Him. I feel it is my responsibility to pull that relationship together. The end of this story opened my eyes to the responsibility of motherhood. Needless to say, the little girl caught a fish. Several things here stand out to me... One being ~ there is no request or conversation "too big" for God. Although I may not justify all requests, God still looks and knows the desires of our heart and uses these to draw us closer to Him. 

I cannot can pull Natalie closer to God. Today I have learned God pursues Natalie.  He has a way of showing her His indescribable grace... by wooing her heart... by answering the little requests she launches ...in His own special way.  It seems I have been trying to say and do all the right things in showing her the importance of a relationship with God; the walk; the talk... when it isn't my doing at all. I can and will continue to do all those things. Ultimately it is only our heavenly Father who will teach her to trust Him and grow her faith in His own special way just as He has done for me. 

I'm so excited to see the life God has planned for Natalie and how she already has began a relationship with Him. But am more energized to see Natalie being pursued by my gracious, tender, child-loving God.  

yoke

Matthew 11: 28-30 28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

We all have seasons in our life when we are tired... physically & more importantly spiritually. 

Lately I see myself walking around with a wooden bar or frame on my shoulders much like an oxen... how easily I am defeated! Now, on this bar it reads: work, family, bills, responsibilities, worry, stress... all sitting heavily on the back of my neck. ...no wonder I am tired.

We all carry around some type of pressure, and it's easy to allow those pressures to take us down physically and spiritually. 

Christ offered something different; something less burdensome, less heavy, less straining to what the Pharisees were accustomed to in that time. 

Francis Chan, the author of "Crazy Love," describes "stress" and "worry" perfectly. He says, "STRESS says that things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control." He says, "WORRY implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives." 

Still today, Christ offers such a sweet, gentle invite for each of us to take His yoke, for His yoke is easy and His burden is so much lighter than the pressures of the world. I'm so glad that Christ still offers this to me today. I know I can't carry all of this on my own. 

the usual

The other day Natalie and I decided on McDonald's for dinner. Since I have been requiring her to put in as many hours as I have at work, I thought she could use a little break and a deserving treat. I wouldn't say that McDonald's is her favorite fast food restaurant, but I would say that eating in the dinning area of McDonald's seems to be a huge treat to her.  We don't have a play area at our Micky-Dee's, nor is there anything "wonderful" about the inside of the greasy joint, but for some reason, it's a treat to her. Maybe it's because she picks the table, brings the ketchup, straws, napkins and items to the table... Or maybe it's just sitting across the table with my undivided attention... whatever the cause, it's just not the same when we bring the food home in a bag.

Anyway, we head to our local dive, pull into the parking space and I ask... "so have you thought about what you're going to order for dinner?" She responds with "I'll just have the usual." Her 'usual' consists of one cheeseburger, plain happy meal with fries and white milk, a four piece chicken nugget, sometimes a side of apple dippers and a vanilla cone to top it off.

For some reason when she said, "the usual," it struck me from a religious aspect. Webster defines usual as "a habit; ordinarily used or course of events." I know 'the usual' is a comfort zone... something I'm typically routinely doing ~ even in my relationship with God. 

How is it that the God I serve is completely unchanging from every aspect, never falls in the category of "the usual"? His mercies are new every morning... His blessings are unending from every aspect. Every day He shows me in a new way how He loves and cares for me by supplying my needs. Lamentations 3:22-25, after wondering how much more torment could go on, they still state that "The Lord's compassions never fail. They are new every morning. The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him..."

When Natalie said "I'll have the usual," my thoughts focused toward God and I apologized for the times when I only give Him "the usual." My relationship with the indescribable merciful God should be anything but usual... He should be my every breath, thought and movement. He gives me more than I can imagine and ~ I in return should give Him my everything.

Sunday, we talked about the action of fasting and how fasting was a part of the cultural in biblical times and typically people would fast on the Sabbath and in the middle of the week. Fasting was just one way of worshipping God. I've heard people use fasting in a way to get something or waiting for God to answer a prayer ~ in fact, I've done that myself. Many places in the bible, fasting is clearly stated as an act to show your love towards God expecting nothing in return ~ another way of worship. It's a sacrificial act just as Jesus did for me ~ which is nothing in the realm of what I consider "usual" today.  

I love God and want to find new ways to express my love to God. I don't want to be stuck in "the usual." I want to give Him all I have... not just the usual.

Lord, thank you for this beautiful day! The sun is shining and I feel your warmth on my skin. Thank you for not being just the usual God... thank you for being the indescribable, exceptional, merciful, lovable God!  I worship You for You give me the strength, peace, comfort and love that could only come from You! I pray for you protective hand to be on my family this week. Touch them in a way only You can. I humbly give You the praise and glory for I know there are times I don't deserve to be in Your presence! In your precious son, Jesus' name.

glorious freedom!

I'm standing on Romans 8 today! I'm proclaiming Freedom in everything! Rebuking the bonds that tie and the chains that keep us down. For if God is on my side, His Spirit lives in me and there is absolutely nothing that can be against me nor can separate me from His love! 

Romans 8 ~ ¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

⁵ Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶ The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; ⁷ the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. ⁸ Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

⁹ You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. ¹¹ And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

¹² Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.¹³ For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, ¹⁴ because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. ¹⁵ For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. ¹⁷Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. 

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰ And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

WOW! Freedom! I need it!

Lord, Today I am proclaiming FREEDOM and I claim it! I'm asking You to lift the chains, unlock the barrier for me and my family. You are more than on my side ~ You are the Spirit that lives in me! Use me for Your glory! There is absolutely nothing that can separate me from Your incredible, undying love in Christ Jesus! If You are on my side ~ then who can be against me? You predestined, You called, You justified & You glorified me because I am Yours! You are an incredible merciful God and it is my daily honored reward just to be in your presence! In Your precious son, Jesus' name.