allow me

In the last verse of Mark 8, Jesus tells us that if we are ashamed of him and the gospel, upon his return, He too will be ashamed of me. I think in my younger years, this statement was harder to overcome than today. Today, I am proud of the fact that the God of the universe admires and loves me beyond belief, but it has taken faith and trials to bring me to this point in my relationship with God. 

Lately, I've been trying to help Natalie understand how and why we shouldn't be ashamed of the ultimate God of the universe. Up until a few weeks ago, Natalie would not publicly pray. I never forced it on her, but continually encourage and ask her if she would like to pray. So, the other day, I asked if she would like to pray over the meal. To my surprise, she said, "yes, I would." The two of us held each others hand, bowed our heads and turned our thoughts toward God and for the first time, I listened to the words being launched to God by my daughter in her small voice. I was so proud of her. She thanked our Heavenly Father for the day, for keeping us safe, for the food and asked Him to bless the food to the nourishment of our bodies and all these things were asked and thought of "in Jesus' name." I commended her for her prayer and thanked her. She could tell I was proud of her. 

A few weeks ago, she and I had a discussion about perception and how God loves us, but if we are ashamed to talk to Him or share things we know about Him with other people, then He is going to be ashamed of us too. But if we are zealous in our sharing the news, God too is going to have favor toward us. 

I think that discussion may have triggered her thinking. Over the last couple of weeks she has wanted to pray over every meal. I imagine God getting tickled and smiling down at her, with her sweet little voice and tender, young spirit. I'm reminded of the verse that Matthew 10:32 whoever acknowledges me, I will also acknowledge him before my father. 

This morning while jumping through our morning routine, Natalie at the breakfast table, myself at the ironing board, we were listening to a local radio station. A comment was made upon the thought that when we are in difficult situations we shift our focus to God and ask for His help and strength to get us through another day.  I looked over at Natalie as she asked, "Mom, do we do that?" I smiled and said, "Yes, I do. Do you ask God to help you?" She gave me that look like you're the momma,  you're suppose to take care of those things for us. 

I asked her when she's in difficult times if she asked God to help her; if she forgot to do homework or if someone gave her a hard time at recess or someone said something not nice to her. I explained to her how God hears our thoughts and looks at our heart and that it's okay to take a few minutes in a quiet, silent prayer asking God for help and strength. I could see her little wheels churning on that comment. 

Job 11:7-9 ~ Job asks us, "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? God is far higher than you can imagine, far deeper than you can comprehend, stretching farther than earth's horizons, far wider than the endless ocean." I cannot put into words how mighty and amazing and endless my God is, but I ask myself how can I be ashamed of the one who has given me breath? How can I be ashamed of the one who continues to allow me to breath? How can I be ashamed of the one who sees me better than I see myself? If anything I should be intimidated beyond all means, but some how He gives me peace and whispers gently to me, "I am right here for you."

It's financially tight in our household right now and I look at the figures and each month I think I'm going to get a little ahead, and find myself spinning my wheels. We are not doing without. We are not hungry. We are just not getting ahead. Paul confirms God is for us in Philippians when he writes of his journey. In Philippians 4, Paul tells the church of Philippi that he is rejoicing in God, far happier than you would ever imagine. He says he has learned to be quite content whatever his circumstances. Paul has been hungry; he's been full; he's had plenty and done without, but still found contentment in all; even in difficult, tight situations. Paul knows that he can make it through anything, even sitting in a prison cell, because he is in the One who makes him who he is.  

Let me repeat that one part... Paul is able to rejoice because he is in the One who makes him who he is.

Wow! So, as Paul states... when I am in the One, the One who makes me who I am and if I am ashamed of Him ~ I suppose, I am also ashamed of myself and who I am. I am a daughter of the king; Natalie is a daughter of the king! How could I be ashamed of being a daughter of the king of kings?!? What a privilege it is to me to be called a child of God. God doesn't need me to have His will fulfilled... it's an honor and a privilege that He allows me to be a part of his kingdom.

I recently read a passage in a book of a lady going through a cancer battle. God answered her prayers of healing and she listed a few things she learned in the process of believing. She learned that God's plan is better than our plan. She discovered prayer is powerful. She learned that God promises comfort, strength and divine peace in suffering times. She came to understand she can be grateful when God answers some prayers with a "no." And the one that stood out to me the most... she found that God does not need us, but he allows us to be a part of his purpose. Isn't that refreshing!!! God wants us to want Him. He wants us to call on Him in good times and in difficult times; rely on Him and with faith; expect Him to handle those difficult situations we think are out of our control. 

Out of my faith in Him, He allows me to be a part of His purpose. Out of His faithfulness, He is there waiting for me to ask Him to be a part of me. In Him, I am who he made me to be! Through Him, He allows me to be part of His purpose. And that is the greatest reward and there's no way I could be ashamed of that!

Oh, precious Lord! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your purpose! Thank you for your faithfulness and for showing me faith. Thank you for taking control of all situations ~ difficult or not. Help me to completely let go! Thank you for loving me! In Jesus' perfect name!

new pair of shoes

There are things in life that I cannot understand why they happen. My mind cannot wrap around some concepts. Such things as children with serious illnesses. If an adult is diagnosed with a life threatening illness, sometimes (not always) the situation can be justified by a lifestyle or genetics and it's more tolerable to see an adult in a life threatening situation than a child with the same illness. The child is innocent... there's nothing justifying the means of the situation. Where's the fairness? In a meeting at work this week we talked about children with terminal illnesses. The statistics show when a terminally ill child is asked what their biggest fear is ~ the number one fear is recorded as "will I be remembered?" I think everyone, no matter the age wants to be known for something.

 

I don't know why some things happen and I'm sure I will not understand most things. I do know that God allows us to go through tough situations. And I know that He will never put anything in front of us that we're not capable of getting through. I know God is in control and He has brought me to the place I am today. I recall my eighth grade school year as being the toughest year of my life. My dad had a heart attack, followed by open heart triple by-pass. As a family, I know we went through some difficult financial situations because I recall my mom telling someone at one point it had been eighteen months since we brought home a paycheck. I also remember my family going through a time where mom and dad were working out some legal issues trying to get out from under a business partnership which I know was straining on them on top of the health and financial situations. 

The summer before eighth grade, my best friend since kindergarten went on vacation to visit her grandparents in Nevada. Two weeks later, her mom and dad came back to box up their house and to place a "for sale" sign in their front yard. What happened to my best friend? Well, they left her at her grandparents in Nevada. There was never a "good-bye." We use to write each other every week. We've seen each other only twice since seventh grade; once in high school and another when I went to Nevada for her wedding in 1997. We call each other about once a year. Right now, I haven't spoken to her since last Christmas. (Okay, get this... literally as I am writing this paragraph ~ Would you believe it? As I was writing this about my friend, she just join facebook and requested me to be her friend!??!? ~ oh, the works of God! and His timing is perfect!)

My two older sisters had already started their adult lives; one with a baby and the other starting her career after college. The next summer, the rest of our family packed up and moved twelve miles out side of town where I chose to attend a smaller high school in another town. I thought it would be easier on the family since I could catch the bus to the next town over rather than having mom drive me to and from school each day. Down deep inside, I was doing it more for myself than mom. So my sister just older than me went to high school in our home town, while I started high school in another. This move was a new start, a new adventure ~ I wanted a new pair of shoes. I wanted to be known for something instead of walking in my sisters' footprints. I think the move did me good. I met new friends and although there were some quiet times, life was looking brighter at home and within me. 

I was offered more opportunities at a smaller school than I would have had at a larger school. I wasn't outgoing ~ somewhat shy until you got to know me. Still that way today. But at my previous school and town, I wasn't known as "Suzanne." I was known by teachers, staff  and church ministers as "so-in-so's little sister." It was as though I was walking in their footprints; not that it's completely bad, but I was already "marked" characteristically. So many times I heard, "You're the last of the Foust girls." Now, I would never change anything; I love my sisters, my family... and am proud of each of them. But being the youngest and the quietest, I never made a name for myself and I didn't want to pass through school being known as someone else's younger sister. It was as though I was handed a big pair of shoes and was told to wear them.  

These shoes were just too big for my feet. They weren't a comfortable fit. I fumbled in them and even fell a few times. I never was quite like my sisters. They each have extrovert personalities and socialize well with others. I'm more of an introvert. But we each have our own talents, our own walk, and our own name. Some how I was told to continue what they had started and as quiet and clumsy as I was, it felt awkward at times. My feet weren't quite big enough to step into their shoes and walk in their footprints they had left behind. I wasn't a popular kid. I had friends, but we weren't the "cool" kids. Still today, I have this reservation that I don't fit into most crowds. I thrive in smaller groups with a few close friends.

One thing I have learned is that each of us wear our own shoes... Shoes that leave our own footprints everywhere we go.  Footprints of how we will be remembered after we're gone. Now, I've long given up the idea of having a name for myself and making my own impressive footprints. My footprints are small, my name is not known. In fact, I carry a name that is not mine at all; I carry my daughter's name. When someone calls me "Ms. Holt," something inside me hesitates and I typically tell them to just call me "Suzanne." (At the time of the divorce, I thought it would be easier on Natalie to keep her last name rather than taking my maiden name back.) In fact, these days, my name is not even "Suzanne," since Natalie started school last year, I have become, "Natalie's mom;" and I'm okay with that. :) 

For each of us, no matter the name and no matter the shoes ~ old or new, as Paul states in Philippians, the race of life is still the same and the footprints are still there. I just hope the footprints I have left have been graceful as each day, I continue to slip on my own pair of shoes. 

Hebrews 10:23, "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Lord, I ask You to help me walk in the right direction. Keep my path straight so that anyone within the walkway sees it is You who is guiding my feet. I pray that those footprints leave a positive impression. I pray that my journey is a journey in which Natalie can keep up with ~ a journey where she's not walking in my footprint, but side by side with me as we keep You as the primary focus in our walk. Thank you for already giving her feet with beautiful footprints. Thank you for the path in which you have lead us. Thank you for loving me and pursuing me. You are so mighty! You are so awesome! In Jesus' precious, loving name.

just wait a minute

Habakkuk 2:2, 3 says that the Lord answered saying, "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness point to what's coming. It aches for the coming-it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time."

We live in a world of instant gratification. I want it and I want it now and if you can't deliver that to me now, I'll find someone who will and can. We've lost the gift of patience. I'm not saying anything we don't already know. We've lost the art of using an oven; now it's a microwave that will zap food in seconds. We've lost the art of reading with a wide range of audio books so we can listen while we multitask. We've lost the art of research. At our fingertips is the world wide web with anything and everything I need to know and some things I shouldn't. We've lost patience.

Although patience doesn't come to me naturally, it is not something I ask God to help me with. I know that's one thing I know He would send me through the stickiest trials if I want or need to learn more patience. We all have so much on our plates every day that a lesson in patience is not something I chose to endure at this time. I thank God for the patience He has graciously taught me in the past and praise Him that I understand patience. 

Is it wise to live in a world of instant gratification? I'm not sure it is, but I'm not sure I have the answer to change it. I guess I would say I'm spoiled and partly it's my own fault for allowing it. Natalie turns seven tomorrow and we couldn't wait to get the trampoline set up in the back yard. With all the rain we have had lately, I'm starting to wonder if I should be building an ark and Natalie has been tested with patience because the rain won't let up long enough for her to get out there and bounce around.

Lamentations 3:25 tells me that the Lord is good, but I knew that already. But said that the Lord is good to those that wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. The next verse tells me that it's good for me to both hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Our ultimate "waiting period" is life. It's the whole purpose of life, to win the crown and be with our everlasting saviour. 

I have to admit the other day I was in a pickle. Nothing major, but the outcome was going to require a lot of work and a lot of my time. My time that I thought was valuable and should be spent elsewhere. I literally cried out to God and asked Him to send His son for our eternal homecoming. Why? Because I'm lazy. Grant it, that would have been the ultimate gift. But I wanted him to return so I wouldn't have this work to do.  I Corinthians 1:7 speaks on waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3 tells me that the Lord will direct my heart into the love of God and grant me patience waiting for Christ. But... I want Him to come now. 

There are days that I feel closer to God than others. Sometimes I think He doesn't hear me at all. I think we all go through these times. Today I felt God's presence all around me. Our family had a victorious day. Over the last nine years my nephew has carried around a huge burden and pressure! Praise the Lord, we received a call that told us he walks a free man today! It's been a personal battle for our whole family, but we've stayed by his side through it all. There have been many times when I thought we would never see this day; this day of freedom! For nine years we've waited for this release. We always knew God was on our side, but sometimes waiting for the answers were the hardest part.  It's easy to say, wait upon the Lord, but when you have to suffer through tough situations, that waiting becomes very difficult.

I think it's odd how God loves to throw things in our pathway. This morning there was a stirring in me to write something about waiting. I kept hearing and began writing... "Wait upon the Lord; write a vision down on tablet, make it known then wait on the Lord." Then, Praise The LORD! we received the phone call we've been waiting for for nine years! Seeing the waiting period that God has just sent us through with my nephew, makes me wonder: what is God's timing? What if our minutes are years to God? What if our years were merely minutes to God? What if God has said... hold on, just wait a minute.

After I had already began writing this blog, my dad called me and told me the great news. I couldn't stop crying tears of joy! I wanted to scream it to the mountain tops. I wanted to give praise and worship to God. I talked to my nephew on the phone and he was rejoicing with me. He said, "Sue, I don't know what to do now that I don't have this pressure hanging over my head." The only response I knew to say was, "God has been on our side this whole time. Use this situation for His glory and give Him all the glory! You gotta give Him the honor He deserves because if it were not for Him, we wouldn't be here today." We had our own little revival on the phone on the back porch of my work. I paced the floor in front of my sisters conference room until finally, I built up enough courage to break up the meeting to announce to her that her nephew was a free man. The bubbling inside of me wouldn't sit still. I wanted to shout it to the mountain tops!

I chatted with my dad on instant messenger after word was spread throughout the family. I told him I have felt like I have been in the dumps lately and this was the most excitement I have felt in a long time. Work isn't going all that great and wish things were a little different than they currently were. We started our conversation at the same time a lady walked into my cubical. I asked him to, "wait just a minute, I have someone in my cubical" but by the time I got back to the conversation, he was already gone to make some lunch. 

Dads words read, "When I get in the dumps, I try to go the other way. I see people who are worse off than me and it doesn't seem as bad as I thought." He went on to say that he looks at his health and the heart ache he thinks he causes his family how that makes him sad. Then he realizes there are so many that don't even have a family. How he is very blessed to have a loving wife and four daughters and two of the greatest grandchildren anyone could ever want. Then he said, "Then I remember that Jesus died for ME and that I have never had to pay a price like that for anyone." 

I feel like my nephew has paid some price, nothing like Christ has, but I think he understands what it means to be persecuted. Though I haven't talked to him about it, I believe he has a testimony to share with the world. I am blessed with a wonderful, loving family. A family, that I know without a doubt, has my back in any situation. I've seen each of us go through different battles and we all came out victorious and as one. Although sometimes it takes more time than we think it should and we have to wait out the storm, in the end, God is with us every step of the way. My dad ended our conversation as he normally does, "ALWAYS REMEMBER "I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER."

Today, we have a reason to celebrate, and together we hope the celebration goes on for a very long time as it should. Though there will still be some waiting until all is over and said, we are certain that God is on our side and has worked miracles in our lives. We give Him all the praise and glory for everything even if we had to wait a few minutes.  

Oh, Lord, You are an awesome God! Thank you for the amazing answers you have given us today. Thank you for this victorious day! Thank you for the having me wait for it has proven my faith in You even more! Thank you for taking care of my family and showing them your grace and mercy. I'm asking you now to continue to encompass us in your loving arms and continue to protect us as you always do. Thank you for allowing me to understand patience and thank you for allowing me to wait upon you. Thank you for hearing our prayers and more than anything... thank you for answering them so beautifully! In Jesus' precious, loving name.

i did this for you

My Natalie is such a pleasure! She has been an easy kid. My parents brag on her all the time and have every reason to do so... she's amazing. She is an incredible artist. She painted a watercolor of a bunny a few months ago and it blew me away. She needed a little help getting started, but what she created was incredible. Here's a picture to show you her painting. She brought it to me and said, "do you like it? I did this for you."

Thursday morning I woke up before the sun was up and again, I opened up the house to let the cool air in... I opened the window in the bathroom to a dark backyard. As my morning routine continued in the bathroom, I looked over at the window and caught a glimpse of the sun rising. I could see the sky turning multiple shades of blues and oranges, but because of the awning, the trees and peering out this tiny window, I only caught a glimpse of it before it was completely light. I laugh now because I caught myself standing over the toilet, one knee on the lid, scrunched down, peering out the bottom corner of the window from a left angle... (got a mental picture?). ...just to see a glimpse of the glorious sight. I wasn't able to see the full sky, but enough to know it was gorgeous! It was like the sky was singing. It was as if God was saying... "Good morning, sunshine! You like it? I did this for you!"

We had an amazing visit at my parents house this weekend. Natalie had taken her baby bunny to show Mimi and Paw. On my home Monday night I saw the most amazing site. The moon was resting on the horizon which I've seen many times. But tonight when I saw the moon glowing in all its' amazing glory in the sky hopping over the trees as I drove, it was breathtaking! I've never seen the moon glowing with such vibrant red. A soothing peace rushed over me and it again was if God was saying... "I'm with you on your drive home. Do you like the moon tonight? I did this for you!"

Natalie and I had the most amazing conversation tonight. I always ask questions to help her build a relationship with God and to help show her the relationship I have with him. I want her to experience Him the way I do. I gave her a new children's' bible the other day. She's been carrying it around with her. She loves that it has the ten commandments listed in the back. I recently taught my 3rd and 4th grade Sunday school class how to easily memorize the 10 commandments by using their 10 fingers. So Natalie and I sang through the New Testament books of the bible song; then went through the meanings of the ten commandments. 

I was surprised she understood them each so well, but when it came to "graven images" we had an amazing conversation. I was trying to explain to her how any person or thing could easily be a "graven image." How easy it is to place something in front of God; television, people, anything... how it becomes more important than worshiping and being obedient to God. My heart sang out when she said, "You know mom, even this bunny could be a graven image if I love it more than God."  

"Yes, hon, you're absolutely right. If you decide to stay home to play with that rabbit rather than going to church or spending time with God you are placing that bunny as more importance than God. And commandment #1 says what?"

"You are the Lord my God!!"

"That's right! I think you understand the graven image."  By this point I was gleaming!

"Mom, the way I have it organized in my mind is that God and Jesus are first," as she was drawing a circle in the air around her body. "Then my family ~ not lined up, but you are all right there," as she drew a larger imaginary circle outside of her first with her hands. "Then my bunny and cat and anything else I really like," in an even larger imaginary circle.

Natalie attends my Sunday school class the majority of the time. She's only in first grade, but she asked to join our class and I love the fact that I get to teach her along with other children. I loved it when starts asking questions. So tonight, I was smiling from ear to ear! She made me so proud. We talked about murder, adultery, taking God's name in vain, keeping the Sabbath holy, honoring and respecting your parents, lying, what coveting means, and then about stealing. 

When we talked about honoring your father and mother she talked about respecting her teachers too. She is wise beyond her years. She gave me examples on how not to use God's name in vain and that she's heard people do that before. She says that even taking a paperclip from work for your own use is stealing. I explained to her how God looks into the heart and how if he sees hatred, He considers that displeasing just like murder. That we are commanded to love our neighbors, friends and the people in the check out line. She explained to me that if a married couple were not honest with each other and dated someone else that was adultery ~ (which I felt was enough of the concept at her age).  We talked about just because someone might be a good person doesn't mean they are going to go to heaven. I had the opportunity to share with her how God requires us to keep his commandments and be obedient. 

I was appalled! While driving I began to ask myself... What gives her this knowledge of understanding at six years old? ...of course, God. Natalie has been pursued by my gracious God and already he is working in her. He has given her what she needs to know even at the age of six to start relying on him. It was as if God was smiling down at me saying, "don't you just love her? Oh, she is so beautiful! I did this for you!" 

All around I am blessed with God's goodness! It's the simple things he likes to do for me. If we take notice His goodness is all around us. He did this for you!

Lord, thank you for you amazing beauty. Thank you for doing this for me! Thank you for my little Natalie and the love you have for her. I lift her up to you for she is yours. Help me to continue guiding her down the path towards you. Show me what you need me to show her. You are an incredible God! In Jesus precious name!

power in a single drop

I drove up to visit my parents for Labor day weekend. I surprised them at church; dad and Kim knew we were coming that early, but they told mom that Natalie and I wouldn't be there until around 4pm. Mom saw us and gave me that, "you girls are sneaky" look. We hugged necks as the church sang out in worship songs. One song we sang that touched my heart is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOY0mjjmx8Y

I love music. This song is a wonderful "get lost in His love" song for me. Reminds me how much He is here for me today and has paid the ultimate price. How no matter what I have done, He still loves me. He loved me before I was born. There's a line in the song At the cross I bow my knees, where your blood was shed from me. There's no greater love than this. I know He loves me.

It's great to know I'm loved ~ I know I say that a lot, but coming home for a family visit always reminds me how strong our family ties are. There's something powerful about a blood line and the love that connects us to one another.

I'm reading a book right now called "Tilling the Soul" by Denise George. I picked it at a garage sale this weekend. It's a daily devotional study, but I like to just read through them as a regular book. Denise's book is about how she has discovered the power of prayer and how prayer penetrates our pain. Her father had heart complications (just as mine has had) and through the first couple of devotions I could see and understand her pain from the experiences I have had.

This morning as we were in the backyard looking over dads garden when mom noticed dads elbow bleeding. He was letting Natalie pick his tomatoes and talked to her about caring for a garden. It was only a little scratch, but dad being on so much blood thinners, a little scratch can mean a big mess and a opportunity to lose a lot of blood. This happens a lot and dad sometimes doesn't realize he has even scratched himself.

I'll try not to get to graphic, but want to portray the picture I saw. The small drop of blood on his elbow caught moms' attention. Sometimes there's a trigger inside me that goes off when I hear of things that dad has to go through. He's tough, but fragile all in the same. The blood required a paper towel and a band aid ~ that's all. But the power that grabbed our attention was what made me think of the power in a single drop of blood.

There are so many diseases in our world. When I see blood the panic button goes off inside. Then I begin to think of all the ways to avoid touching or infecting each other with each other's blood ~ that's just how we are trained. If there are accidents in our job, home, whatever ~ if there is blood, there is caution in how to handle it (even written documentation on how to handle blood) ~ there is power in blood. It makes us act different ~ it makes our attitude switch to serious.

In that one drop of blood, I'm reminded of the many drops that fell from Jesus' brow the day He tore away the veil. The old hymn sings there is power in the blood. If it were not for the blood that was shed on the cross, we would not have the freedoms we do today. That day he knew that his actions would affect me over 2000 years later. In Colossians 1 all things were created by Him and for Him. In verses 18-20 of The Message it reads, He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross. All things are there, but still before Christ was willing to give his life, we were without harmony. It was all because of his death... the power in his blood that was poured out and down the cross that allows us to be free from the bandages of this world. Oh, the power in a single drop!

Lord, thank you for the power of the blood! Thank you for your goodness! Thank you for giving me this time with my family and the safety you give us from day to day. I love and praise you for loving me. In Jesus precious name.

answer it

Tonight I had the privilege to be used. I had an internal battle for a few minutes, but then I said, "okay, I'll do it!"

Now, I don't hear God's voice. It's not a big man voice coming from the heavens. It's a gentle pull on my conscience and spirit. He uses all of us different, but this is how he uses me. I know it's him when I experience a couple of things. Typically whatever is being asked of me is not something I would normally just go do. When it is understood what's being asked of me, there's usually an internal battle I have with myself. There's been times I fight it and other times I've flat out ignored it. And then there are times I answer it.

So, tonight, I'm outside working in the yard. I had already trimmed my yard, front and back. I typically start mowing in the back and finish in the front, but tonight was different. For some odd reason, I wanted to start in the front. After trimming, I mowed the side... worked my way to the front. Within only a few lines left to mow, I happen to look up and see an elderly man tugging a suitcase out of the trunk of his car. I've seen him and his wife a few times. They are here visiting their daughter who lives on the other side of the street from me. I don't know their names, but I believe she has a disability. Her parents are probably in their 70s or 80s as he is walking with a cane.

So here I am mowing... I stop, walk down the street and casually ask, "is that the only bag you have?" He stopped in the driveway with his cane and red suitcase.

He said, "No. There's a couple of jackets and another bag..." As I walked closer, I could see the items along with two gallon ziploc bags of all kinds of medications. With ease, I grabbed up the items, closed the trunk and walked over to the man who had not even made it half way to the front door yet. I took the suitcase from his hands and followed him up the steps.

"You have your hands full now," he said.

"Yes, sir... glad I could help," I smiled as I laid all the items inside the door. I was thinking I sure hope someone is helping out my parents when they need it since I live this far away.

I walked back to my yard and finished mowing the small patch. God was tugging on my heart. The old man wasn't what caught my attention in the first place. In fact, I had been looking at this lady's yard all evening. Every strip I mowed and faced her house, I saw her yard and how the crab-grass was about three feet tall.

A few months ago, my next door neighbor blessed me by mowing my back yard. One morning I had gotten up and looked out and realized someone had mowed my lawn. No note, no call and no bill. I was ever grateful and finally after a few days realized who had done it and told him how blessed I felt. The day he had mowed was the day I had spent in Tulsa with my family at the hospital. Dad was having a new pacemaker and there was just a lot of things going on at that time and mowing wasn't at the top of my priorities. It wasn't out of control grass, I just hadn't found the time to mow.

I looked up at my neighbors yard again.

"Go mow her yard."

"Oh, man, I'm tired and I still need to mow the back."

"Go mow her yard."

"Augh... then, she might want me to mow her back yard too."

"Go mow her yard."

"But it's getting dark soon and I won't have time to finish mowing the back and I won't have time this next week to mow. I'm going to mom and dads tomorrow; get home probably too late on Monday. Tuesday, Natalie starts soccer..." I go through the whole week and see that it's going to be Thursday before I have a chance to mow and realize by then it's going to be so tall...

"Go mow her...."

"Okay, okay... I got it. I'll mow, but Lord ~ please... let her have a small backyard. please?"

I grabbed some gas from the shed, filled up and push my mower down the street to this lady's house and begin to mow. As I was mowing her front yard i saw that her backyard was already mowed. I started laughing ~ I'm serious! "Thanks, God! for the "small backyard" request!"

I was laughing and shaking my head. I'm about half way through the yard before the lady came out with a smile on her face and the way she was holding her arm and walking with a limp, I could tell at some point she had had a stroke. She was thankful and warned me of an extension cord in the yard. Then she told me that her mother had mowed most of the back yard, but that she shouldn't be out there mowing and asked if I would mind finishing it up. I told her that it was no problem ~ that I would take care of it. ...she was grateful.

I laughed to myself again. Her backyard was huge ~ about the size of mine if not bigger. Her fence backed up to an old church building and their field. But the area that needed to be mowed was very small. Her mother had mowed the majority of it already. "Thanks, God, for the little backyard," I said as I wrapped up the ten minutes of mowing in the backyard. As I was walking away I could see there were still a lot of trimming that needed to be done.

"Now trim."

"But.. you said just mow."

"When you mow your yard, do you use the weed eater?"

"Yes."

"Then mow it like it's your yard."

"Augh, okay."

So, I trekked back to the house, put the mower in the backyard; grabbed the weed eater line and went to trimming.

I got home just as it was getting dark. Needless to say that my backyard is not mowed, but when I looked at the back, it seemed like it wasn't as tall as the front yard before I began. It can wait until Thursday.

Now, I'm telling you this story not because I want a pat on the back nor an "atta-girl". I'm sharing this story because I'm so tickled that God used me and blessed me. I don't have money nor riches, but when I saw my neighbor tonight I realized that God has blessed me with something today that they do not have; strength.

There have been times that I ignore this tug. But, you know what? God doesn't punish me for not responding. Oh, but when I do answer it, he blesses me with a peaceful satisfaction.

Lord, thank you for giving me strength to answer your request. Thank you for using me and tugging at my spirit. Use the situation tonight to be a light to my neighbor. I don't know her situation, but allow her to associate my efforts as a blessing from You today! Thank you for all you've done for me. In Jesus precious name.

dose of joy

I chatted with my mom last night for over an hour on instant messenger. She's so sneaky ~ I thought she was dad. They have their own individual languages. 

When I see them logged in (they share a user name), nine times outta ten it's dad and i say, "hi daddy!" His response is usually, "hi baby." If it's my mom, she usually types, "Hi Suzanne." 

I typed my typical introduction, "hi daddy." She typed "Hey Babe." (I should have known... she used upper and lower case). When daddy and I type-chat, we use lower case... it's just easier. 

So, I started to ask him, "how are you feeling today?" but I already knew his typical response would have been, "with my fingers. how do you feel?" I thought I'd throw him off track a little and ask if he was able to eat anything today since he has been having some problems the last couple of days. She couldn't take her joke too long ~ she caved. "Believe it or not its MOM," she typed; "I was just pulling your chain." Even from two hours driving distance away, I could hear her little giggle as she thought she had pulled a good one over on me. ...sneaky woman! We chatted about a few things and how she broke her toe yesterday (ouch) and that she was getting ready for bed... over an hour later, we finally said goodnight. 

I chatted to her about the different things that have been on my heart lately. One being my interpretation of joy. Ecclesiastes 3 states there's a time for everything... I like this chapter a lot. It sure makes sense on a lot of life situations. God pretty much lists out that there's is a time for whatever I may possibly think about going through in my life. Yes, there's a time to be born, to die, to heal, to kill, to tear down, to build up, to laugh, to weep, to mourn to dance, to scatter, to gather, time to embrace, to refrain, to search, to give up, to keep, to throw away, tear, to mend, to love... you get the picture. There is really not a whole lot more ~ our lives are going to pass along one of these times at some point. With all these different times coming and going, there is a consistency. There is joy in the midst. 

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 it reads simply, "be joyful always." That's it. Be joyful. The next verse, "pray continually." Joy, pray.

No matter what I go through, there is joy. It's mine. 

I can still hear mom giggling in my mind. She said we had the sleepy sillies. Little did she know I was up writing this blog. :)

So, Let me try to explain how I see joy from a different angle. Joy is typically associated with an emotion or physical expression; such as an outage for happiness. But sometimes I find that joy is not always a feeling; nor an emotion. Now, don't get me wrong... I've been abundantly happy but also there have been times I've been terribly sad. I know joy can come along with happiness and to grasp on to the offering God gives us there is contentment in Him knowing that he is in control. I can still have joy in the sad times too.  

Joy is listed in Galatians 5:22 as fruit of the spirit along with love, peace, patience, goodness, kindness and faithfulness. On Wednesday nights, we're studying the book of Philippians and how Paul still finds joy in some very difficult times. He talks in the first chapter about how he is in chains for Christ, but because of his suffering, others have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly. 1 Peter 1:8, "...joy unspeakable and full of glory..." 

Think of joy as low bearing fruit. God offers it to me anytime, anywhere, for any occasion. It's just there. I just have to take it ~ like fruit. Oh, and is it ever sweet! In everything we should find joy. It's kind of like contentment without settling. It's not so much that "I feel this, or I feel that" ~ but that there's a safe, quiet peace that puts a smile on my face. It's one of God's gift to me.

Joy also comes with a dose of peace, and a splash of love. It comes with the faith of knowing that God is here and dwelling among us, protecting me. It's like Paul said, knowing I'm alive with Him, but even if death takes me ~ I'm even more alive with Him. It's a "win-win" situation. It's not just a "lack of tears." There may be occasions I'm going to cry in joyous times. Joy is mine ~ just like love, it's there. 

Take it. It's yours. If you don't ~ it's still there just waiting on you. Then if you need a little more ~ a new dose will be there as the sun comes up along with your mercy and grace and love. It takes faith knowing it's there for us to accept ~ so pull up a chair and let's embrace it. Let's partake ~ however you want... sip it, slurp it, eat it with a fork ~ however you want it, enjoy your dose of joy! I prefer mine with a cup of coffee. :) 

"We just have to accept it." Nicely said, mom. :)

Lord, you are my strength. Just as the sweetness of ripe fruit, I receive your sweet, sweet joy, wrapped up with unconditional love and perfect peace. I'm especially thankful for my mom today. When you created her, you knew she would be my mom ~ hand picked for me... and I am ever grateful! Thank you for her strength for I know she too relies on you. Lord, I pray a special blessing to whoever is reading this today. Give them an abundance of joy; wrap it up in your amazing love and cover it with your comforting peace. Lord, let me be your waitress and help serve your goodness to them. Help me to let them know, just as Paul conveyed in Philippians, no matter the situation, no matter the pain; You are still the one who gives this amazing love. Graciously and joyously You have already picked up our bill! You still amaze me! In Jesus precious name.

ask, seek and knock real loud

Natalie told me we needed a "door ringer thingy. You know, mom... to put on the front door. We don't have one of those." 

"Uh, a doorbell?"

"Yah! That's what they call it," she confirmed.

I giggled as I knew what she was thinking and talking about, but I let her try to figure it out.  I was thinking about this conversation I had with her as we pulled out of the church parking lot tonight on our way home. Some reason it struck me as odd ~ out of the blue. Why would she be thinking about a doorbell?

Anyway... I'm preparing for bed and I keep hearing a song play in my head. "Ask and seek and knock real loud, that's what faith is all about. Situations turning 'round and I know you'll start believing, asking and receiving." I think it's from an old Accappella CD. 

(Mom, remember our chat? We talked about this ~ believe ...I told you I hadn't quite figured it out at the time, but I knew there was something there.)

The doorbell. No, we don't have a doorbell, but then again our house is just a small, two bedroom, cozy house. As you walk through the house, with hard wood floors everyone in the house knows someone is moving about. When you come to visit, you just have to knock. Sometimes you have to knock real loud. 

God tells us to believe. Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

I have recently been reunited with a friend from high school via the Internet. I can call her friend now, but about twenty years ago, I'm pretty sure I would not have consider her a friend. We both feel that way. But today, I'm so blessed to hear her story how she found Jesus five years ago. Hearing the pain she went through while we were in high school broke my heart. She was in a dark place back then. She was very rough around the edge. Now, understanding what she went through, she had every reason to be the way she was. Sometimes I take things for granted, her childhood was very different than mine. Her mother was not active in her life as mine was. 

I think back in high school. We resonated on separate sides of the hall. She was part of the "rough crowd." I was part of the "too good for you" crowd. We were different. 

I asked for her forgiveness. She was dumbfounded. I asked her to forgive me for giving up on her. I should have at least prayed. I should have tried to witness. Instead, I shamefully turned my back on her and others. No, I'm not proud of it, but that's what I did then. I'm not sure even at the time if I would have been strong enough to stand up to her anyway. 

She was so sweet. She reassured me that there was nothing I could have done to change who she was back then... that it took all that to get where she is today. She believes in the merciful, powerful, amazingly loving God I do! 

Everyones walk is different. Every "knock" is different. How we get to God is all different. God hears all of us, but just as seeds planted near the pathway, they are watered by cracked pots and eventually grow into beautiful flowers. When we do knock, sometimes softly... sometimes we knock real loud, He is faithful to open His arms and invite us in. 

As the song plays in my head, "ask and seek and knock real loud..." I'm so glad we have the opportunity to knock on God's door. I'm so glad that he embraces us no matter the circumstance. I'm so glad He is ever faithful and answered my friends knock.  

Oooh, I have an idea....maybe we can ask for mansions near each other. Mansions? Oh yah! My God has gone to prepare a place for us! Hey... come on over... be sure and knock real loud! ...I don't have a doorbell.