gives and takes away

God has been laying a lot on my heart lately. I'm just finding it difficult to sit down and share those thoughts lately. I'm going to try better. :) The last few weeks I've seen God work in ways I've never dreamed possible in my life.

I recently went back and read the book of Job. I admire this man almost more than any other man (besides Christ) mentioned in the Bible. Here is a man who had everything at his fingertips. Here's a man who was faithful and sacrificially offered everything to God for his own self as well as for his children. What I find remarkably amazing about Job's story is how God sacrificed Job to Satan. Job 1:8, "Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." Satan replies with speculation that God has his protective hedge around Job. Verse 9-10, "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." Verse 12 shows me how God truly knows a mans heart. God never once doubted Job's love for Him... I want to be there... I want God to know that no matter what He places in my path, I will not turn from Him and never curse Him to His face. ...but in my heart, I'm truly not sure I'm there yet. God told Satan, verse 12, "very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger." So Satan presented himself to God a few times regarding Job. Each visit God gave Satan a little more power over Jobs life. Each visit God said do not kill the man, but no matter you do to him, Job will not curse me.

Here is Job, minding his own business, loved God with all his heart and soul. After Job lost everything, including most of his family and his health, Job still claimed that God was power of the universe and would not curse God. Never once did he lose his faith in God. However, he cried for a fair trial. I have to be honest here, I'm not sure I would be that strong. Here's a man who's laying in his own filth and his friends and relatives are so ashamed and disgusted they won't acknowledge him or speak to him. I'm pretty sure at this point, I would have some kind of bitterness built up. Now, Job had every right to be fed up with God... Job often asks how could God be silent with him and not hear his cries. He didn't understand why God would put him through this since he knew in his heart that he did nothing to deserve this. His poor, ignorant friends trying to convince Job he has done something wrong and to just admit it, but Job knew in his heart that he did nothing to deserve this. Job questions God fairness... which I think was fair of Job.

I have to stop right here and examine God's response a little bit because this is where it completely blows me away. I ignorantly start questioning God especially with the pressures around me to justify life. Job could have just taken his life... he could have just given up especially with his wife telling him to curse God and die... with his friends telling him you are obviously a sinner, curse God and take your punishment of death... Job was never persuaded even though he listened to all of them and their ignorance... Job begins to put up his defense in trying to understand why God has left him. Just as I've done many times, He becomes a God who fits in my life... a God of convenience... a God who I expect to do what I want Him to do. I place borders on what my God can do and how my God can intervene and I try to guide my God instead of allowing Him to guide me. Is this right? no, but I would be lying if I said I haven't done this. Job never lost His love for God. He questioned why he thought he deserved this treatment, but never cursed God.

I was covered in chills reading the last couple of chapters of Job. After a long silence and Job lying in his own filth... demanding God to answer him and claiming God was out of his reach. God asks him the first question... Job 38, "Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me, since you know so much. Who decides on the size? Certainly you'll know that!" Woo! I get fired up with hearing the actual words of God! Wow! His power explodes in chapter 38-39. I suggest you take a minute to read what God says. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+38&version=MSG

Powerful! I have to admire Job for trying to understand why God was allowing these things to happen to him. He knew he had not done wrong and did not deserve to be going through what he was enduring. This verse alone, puts God's power and size in perspective. There are many times in my life that I ask God why. There are many times I take the pity party and say "whoa is me, poor, pitiful me!" It's in those times I know that I haven't turned over the situation to God.

I love Job's response when God asked him what he had to say for himself now. Job 40:3-5, "I'm speechless, in awe—words fail me. I should never have opened my mouth! I've talked too much, way too much. I'm ready to shut up and listen." This is a great reminder for me. It's in the quiet times that I feel God's presence more than ever! Oh, man... I would be speechless too. I know there are times I talk way too much!

I think we all know how the story ends. God blessed Job tremendously. Job 42:12-16, "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters.... Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job's daughters... After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so he died, old and full of years."

I constantly find excuses to stay in my comfort zone. My hearts' desire is to not be tied to one location... to live a life that is dispensable ~ to go where He needs me to go. My obstacles? debt, a house, etc. The other morning on the way to school, Natalie and I had a beautiful conversation. She was talking about the man on the other side of the radio. We had attended a homecoming of a friend and their adopted son. While we were there, we ran into one of the radio morning show hosts, Mark. She said she thought his voice didn't really match what she pictured him to look like in her mind. This was a perfect opportunity to explain how God views us. How he doesn't take value in what we have, but what our hearts look like. In Job's situation, he had everything, then had nothing. ...then God blessed him twice fold. But from a child's perspective, she instantly compares herself with her peers. Do I have what they have? Is what I have better? Our conversation focused around God looking at our heart. I said, "when I die, can I take this car with me?" She responded, "well, no." We carried the conversation through the house, job, stuff we've accumulated. I said, "What we have is God's to begin with. He gave us this stuff and at any time He could chose to take it away."

I laughed at her response, "Momma, why would God want to burn down our house?" Okay, maybe that was a little too harsh for a seven year old, but with a little explaining, I think she grasped the picture. I don't want God to burn down our house, but in reality, we can't take it with us when we die... "it's just stuff." Just as Job talks about treating people well, feeding the hungry, giving shelter to the poor, clothing the homeless, I talked to Natalie about helping others and how God longs for us to love one another ~ to help one another.

I believe everyone will have valleys and mountaintops of emotions in life. Job definitely experienced both in his long life. I can look at certain areas of my life when I hit rock bottom and I sat there like a stubborn baby waiting for someone or something to pick me up. Times when I didn't care about things... A time when I didn't experience God's joy. There have been areas of my life where I've just placed certain issues on the back burner... I guess I just haven't trusted God to take care of those areas. Maybe not that I didn't trust God, but that I wasn't ready to expose and admit my weaknesses and my faults. Even though I know my faults are there, it's easier to ignore some of the mistakes we make in our past than to really dig them up and confront them face to face.

So my day came a few weeks ago when I cried out to God. I look back at that night only a few weeks ago with a smile because I can just see my heavenly father smiling and possibly laughing at my attempt to address this issue in my heart. When I humbled myself and cried out, it was like the heavens opened up and God was standing there with a big ole bucket of goodness to pour on me! He has showered me so much over the last year with an incredible joy and peace and love that I've never completely grasped on to, but a few weeks ago I finally... whole hearted... turned over a situation to God that I had been hanging on to for far too long. I told Him I was ready for Him to work that area in my life and simply said, "You know the desires of my heart and if this is what you want for me, I'm ready." ...as simple as that ~ God began to move in my life. Within a couple of days doors began to close and doors began to open and I never dreamed some of the things were even possible. The weight was lifted off my shoulders, the excitement was there... and I was able to see what God had in store for me. What He has shown me in the last few weeks makes me want to shout His goodness from the rooftops! I've never paid so much attention to every detail of how God works. I've always known He does, but I'm completely overwhelmed by what He has done for me. He has taken care of my every need even down to the finances and right next to it, stacked up with my every want and right beside that, He has blessed me with things that only my heart knew and desired. He has shown healing. He has provided ways. He has even given me things I wouldn't think of asking for because He loves me. Because He wants those things for me. Because He knows the desires of my heart. And to think if He cares so much for the things I wouldn't bother Him for... the things that are not necessities... the things that only He knows... He must truly love me!

My daily prayer is asking God to never let me go.... even if I'm standing with a pocket full of nothing just as Job did. I pray that my God is enough for me because even if I lost everything I have, God still sits on the throne! ~ it's that mind frame that I pray God gives me. He's still working in me ~ thank you God!

When I finally reached the point of full surrender... I cannot even write words that describe it. I stopped crying "Lord, Help me!" and began to cry "Lord, Thank You!"

I want to share a song with you. Kutless is a Christian music group who has a song out there called, I'm Still Yours. This song reminds me of Job. It's a sweet, sweet song. (Kutless; It Is Well: A Worship Album by Kutless; I'm Still Yours.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjSvml7iWeQ

(If the link doesn't work ~ copy and paste it into another browser.)

If You washed away my vanity • If You took away my words • If all my world was swept away • Would You be enough for me? • Would my beating heart still sing?
If I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away...
If You take it all this life You've given still my heart will sing to You!
When my life is not what I expected the plans I made have failed • When there's nothing left to steal me away • Will You be enough for me? • Will my broken heart still sing?
Even if You take it all away You'll never let me go. Take it all away, but I still know... That I'm Yours...

Oh Lord, You are enough for me! Thank you for your immeasurable blessings! I'm so excited about what You have in store for us! Lord, keep my hands lifted. If you take it all... I pray my heart will still sing to you! Thank you for the beautiful spring weather. Your mercies show brightly through the newness of life outside! Thank you for your protective hedge around me and my family and friends. I ask You to bless those who read this. Touch their hearts and shower them with a glimpse of you precious goodness. Thank you for allowing me to be Natalie's mother. What an honor it is to be her mom! What a thrill it is to see her grow in You. Thank you for giving her such a sweet, sweet spirit and pursuing a relationship with her! I thank you and ask these things in your son's precious, glorious name!