time

While I was on my fifteen-hour flight, I quickly realized I failed to pack a watch and found myself quite amazed how I lost track of time. Time? How do I know the time without the help of a clock?

I just finished reading a book called “Same kind of different as me” by Ron Hall & Denver Moore with Lynn Vincent.  The book is a true story and really portrays God’s desire to use people. I highly recommend if you enjoyed “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young, you should give this book a try.  It took a while to really get into the book… the first few chapters are setting the stage to see how these lives began and endure to bring them to the point of crossing.  I won’t spoil it for you but share some touching pieces. The front cover reads “a modern day slave, an international art dealer and the unlikely woman who bond them together.” Based on a true story of two men becoming the best of friends. The book is filled with “Denver’s” (the modern day slave) perspective of his life and how people were easily taken from him in heartbreaking situations. But Deborah, the art dealer’s wife becomes an angel on earth and shows him God’s unconditional love without judging him where he has been and what he has done.  So much so that Denvers love for this man and woman's friendship is absolutely beautiful.  This is not a romantic love that many people interpret love, but the selfless, unconditional love. Deborah acknowledgment, responsive and inquisitive manner shows Denver just the right amount of care he turns his heart towards God.  Denver in turn becomes Deborahs prayer warrior in time of sickness.   

This is a true story that took place recently in Fort Worth, Texas.  Deborahs' life here on earth was short lived. I never know when God will call me home.  But I would love to be remembered the way Deborah has been remembered.  She was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful, unconditionally loving, servant hearted woman I have ever heard about. Deborah was a great example of letting God use her no matter where or what time it is.

grateful

As I traveled into China on Monday on a two hour ferry ride from Hong Kong.  My heart ached to see a third-world country for the first time. Some days I think life isn't easy,  when in fact today I realized I am one of the wealthiest people on earth both physically and spiritually.  Hopelessness came to mind, and then, sobering.  Most of the Cantonese people do not know any other way of life.  

Driving from the ferry to the factory, everywhere around me were small plots of land transformed into small huts, villages and communities from any material they could find. All around us were man-made ponds and little gardens.  Many people here stock the ponds with fish from the bay so that they will have food to survive on and also sell at the markets. The ponds here are called fish farms. The small gardens are their only source of fresh vegetables and resource for food to be sold at the markets. Most of the families do not have enough money to purchase the necessities for a house-hold. They find items to build their homes, such as bamboo, grasses, sticks, bricks from collapsed buildings. They are everywhere on the side of the streets sweeping with home-made brooms. 

My heart breaks as I see their way of life. I take for granted every day my freedom, my God, job, house, car, money, cleanliness that I have living in America. 

I am richly blessed. In the bible, I'm instructed to count my blessings and to name them one by one.  This simple instruction implies naming my blessings, or listing them ~ calling them out just for the simple fact I won't take them for granted and will acknowledge my blessings. If I acknowledge my blessings, then I easily see that I really don't have anything to complain about and that I am lacking nothing. He supplies all of my needs ~ and I am grateful.

Thank you, dear God, for all your blessings.

set back

Well, I made it... I am right now sitting here in my Hong Kong hotel room, on the other side of earth from everything I call "normal."  For Natalie, it's almost eight o'clock Saturday morning, but where I am sitting, it is past time for bed. There were many tasks that I needed to do the evening before I took flight. I made arrangements to have a new mattress and box springs delivered for Natalie's bed before heading out. Long story short, I had some set backs, both physically and spiritually.  I faced my "giant loss" that I had missed square in the eyes Thursday night.  Everything that I had worked so hard to let go of, surfaced and my emotions became too overwhelming to control the tears.  No, my loss is not back, but I feel like I had a spiritual set back. My courage turned into cowardliness.

I wanted so much to be back in my comfort zone and was grieving so much I began to weep.  I kept asking myself: how do I continually pick myself up and keep going?  How do I control the spiritual to over power the flesh? I think I just answered my own question.  "I" cannot but God can.  "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

I'm reading a book called "Crazy Love." I think this book was written for me and my journey right now. Francis Chan, the author, walks you through different processes of simply denying yourself. As I was reading through this, there is so much of what I have been seeing, hearing and looking for in a relationship with God this last year.  He talks about the crazy love that God gives me even though I know I don't deserve to be loved.  He also talks about his journey being fearful of God ~ which is what I have done many times to the point of not communicating with God.  

Chan also talks about worry and stress. I believe he has some great points. If my trust and faith is in God, I should not worry. I am reminded many times in Matthew not to worry: about clothes, about food, about what tomorrow holds and I'm instructed to think on the things that are true, pure, just, etc. Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I like the way Chan talks about worry.  He says "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happing in our lives." Worry invites doubt and I begin asking myself why? and what? and when?. When it's not at all about "me" but ALL about God! Chan also says that "stress says that things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards other, or our tight grip of control." I constantly find myself worrying about or stressing over things that I most of the time have absolutely no control over and in turn, I'm not putting all my trust in God. 

Not fully trusting God and not turning everything over to Him only puts worry and unneeded stress in my life. Ultimately setting me back from the beautiful relationship God wants to have with me.  I'm so thankful for God's unchanging grace and setting me back on the right path.

preparation

Today is a busy day as a pack up to leave the country for the first time tomorrow morning.  I've chuckled a bit when people ask me if I'm ready. I've never been less ready.  I'm not much of a procrastinator, but there are some things when planning for a ten day trip that just have to be done at the last minute. So needless to say, at this point ~ 17 hours before my flight leaves... I am not ready. 

As I have been preparing for this trip over the last couple of weeks, I not only prepare myself and my job, but also have to prepare Natalie ~ her safety, packing, planning, etc.  It is in the preparation of a trip like this when I begin to think how this affects me not only physically but spiritually. Then question the "what ifs?" ~ What if: she gets ill while I'm gone? What if this, what if that? Thankfully, I have tried to dot all the "i's" and crossed all the "t's" so that if the "what ifs" appear, we are prepared both from afar and here at home. She is looking forward to the time she's going to be spending with family. 

With all of this prep work, I thank Christ, who has done my spiritual preparation for me.  

Christ was sent to be my example, preparing the way.  Mark 1:2 says "As it is written (in Malachi 3:1) in the prophets, Behold, I send my messenger (Christ) before they face, which shall prepare thy way before thee." I can't imagine living in the days before Christ when they had to prepare a sacrifice.  In Ezekiel it mentions many times about preparing a burnt offering unto the Lord.  Thankfully Christ has made that sacrifice for us and has prepared the way.  But also thankful that He has gone ahead to prepare a place for me.  John 14:2-3 "...in my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."  

How exciting to know that as a child of God, when I leave this earthly home, I will have a place already prepared for me. Now, I'm not planning on leaving this earth yet. I don't think my work here is done, but we do not have the certainty that tomorrow will be ours.  It is my responsibility and my option to be spiritually prepared.  

Hopefully my attempt of preparation will have paid off and this trip will be successful both professionally and personally. 

Asking God to protect Natalie and myself on this journey and return us both home safely.  

amazing characteristic

Natalie has been involved in gymnastics for a couple of years now.

Last night I received a call from her instructor informing me she 

has passed all of the intermediate classes and is ready to advance to the next level.  I'm so proud of her.  She flips and flops and jumps from anything and everything she can climb.  The main reason I want her to be involved with something such as gymnastics is to develop her personal characteristics. Gymnastics has the capability of teaching her balance (which i am lacking) and grace. 

Over the years I have heard different renditions of the classic hymn "Amazing Grace."  One of my favorite songs is by Chris Tomlin who rewrote the chorus of Amazing Grace to reflect breaking free from the chains of the flesh that bonds us from really experiencing a true relationship with God. "My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, my savior has ransomed me! And like a flood, His mercy reigns unending love, amazing grace." Isn't it great to know that grace is a characteristic of God? 

Webster defines "Grace" as both a noun and a verb: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration of sanctification; a virtue coming from God. Also goes on accounting grace as approval, favor, mercy, and/or pardon. Then begins to describe grace as a quality: a charming or attractive trait or characteristic, ease and suppleness of movement or bearing. 

The bible talks about grace in many different forms. Often we are told that grace is something that we can have and is freely given to us. "Grace be with us," Titus 3:15 and "Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ," Philemon 1:3. "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit." Philemon 1:25.  The spirit of grace is used to describe the characteristics of God. Hebrews 10:29 "...spirit of grace...".  And we are given examples in Luke and Acts of the "grace of God." Grace is one perspective of describing God. Personally, I think grace is an amazing and attractive trait to have. 

The bible constantly reminds me to be more like Christ. First Peter 2:21, "...to this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow...". We are called to be like Christ.  He is the only example we are given to understand how to treat each other in love.  If He has given me this precious, free gift of grace, I in turn should give grace to others.  I find myself occasionally hardening my heart towards individuals who may have hurt me in one way or another. But that's not the example I have been given.  I must demonstrate grace... 

I know I need grace. If it were not for His amazing grace, I would not be forgiven.  I am in no way perfect. I am a sinner who tries to do the right thing and make the right decision, but I constantly fall from grace. In Galations 5, just when I lose sight of Christ, "...ye are fallen from grace."  When I admit I need grace I immediately think I have done something wrong which I need to be "excused" or "pardoned." At that exact moment I realize it's time to run a "self-check." Sometimes I need to repent. And sometimes I am just reminded how grace is a gift and characteristic of God and it is up to me to accept this gift.  

I want the full benefits of being a child of God. So, knowing that grace is freely given to me and is a characteristic of God Himself, why would I not be overwhelmed with desire to receive and demonstrate this amazing characteristic? Oh to be more like Him!

Thank goodness for grace!

a new day

Today is a new day ~ embrace it.

I usually have one of two prayers a) for either healing in someone ~ whether that is physical or spiritual b) for the Lord to change me for the better ~ mostly spiritual and help me overcome the flesh. I have found that when I ask God to help me it is because my conscience won't sit still. It's the Holy Spirit tugging at me. You know those times ~ "cleaning house" for the soul. In my mind, I have justified some of my actions and am okay with the way things are. I find myself living in my comfort zone, but in my heart I know there are some things that are not right with God. I easily tell myself: I'm not hurting anyone, but come to a point to admitting to myself: I know I am not where God wants me to be. He wants us to want Him and to be more like Him. It is in those times when my conscience is really stirring. It is in those times when I ask Him for wisdom. Then, when He literally answers my prayer, I step back and find it difficult to take the next step. (Especially if I'm living in a "comfort zone"). For a few months now, I have been praying for clarity in many areas in my life. I felt a personal conviction and struggled in my heart and mind and asking myself if this is where God wants me to be. This last weekend He revealed the bigger picture. I cried and I laugh at the same time. It was as if I heard Him say: "Hello!?!? Suzanne!?!?! You asked Me to help you here... here I am, in all My glory showing you exactly what you asked for." He has a way of putting me in my place pretty quick ~ constantly reminding me that again... HE is in control! Oh, am I ever grateful!

This past weekend I took my daughter on a trip to visit my parents back home. It is only a two hour drive, but for the two of us it is a mini-vacation away from our everyday. It was a time of personal grieving of my loss, but also because I know "home" is where I find peace and joy and hope for a new day. Isn't it great when you know that "coming home" (especially coming home to God) is the best place on earth? I needed to hear my parents say, just as my dad has always said to me "Baby, get up, dust yourself off and keep going." I knew I could find the strength at home to get through this loss. I am so blessed to have an earthly father (and mother) who resembles my heavenly Father and has a God seeking heart. They were there, as always to pick me up and show me unconditional love and give me encouragement. Thank you, mom and dad! XOXO

As I close that chapter in my life this week, and I thank God that I had the experience, it's hard not to be sad. I'm reminded of First Peter 1. I like how Peter says we will have grief and trials, but these have come so that your faith may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. I have not seen Him, but I love and believe Him and know that He is the reason I am filled with inexpressible and glorious joy! It says in verse nine that I am reminded that I am receiving the goal of my faith ~ the salvation of my soul!! Later in the chapter it reminds me to be prepared, be self-controlled and set my hope on the grace that is shown when Jesus Christ again is revealed. Don't live in ignorance and do not conform to the evil desires, but be just, just as He who called me is holy ~ be holy. "16 Be holy, because I am holy." I really like the lesson Peter is saying here and how he tells us how to examine ourselves. I believe this describes the clarity I asked Him to show me.

In Philippians 3, "Paul said he rejoiced in his sufferings because he knew that by his sufferings he was able to participate in the suffering required to bring others into Christian maturity." I recently read a devotion from a co-worker titled Take up Your Cross. He pointed out "if you are waiting for a relationship with God that never requires suffering or inconvenience, then you cannot use Christ as your example." In order for Christ to bring us salvation, He had to endure the worst suffering. He did this because He loves us, but also in order for us to have suffering as an example. Life is not always roses. In fact, we are on the enemy's territory the moment we are born. Taking up your cross is a choice. Your "cross," regardless the cost and suffering is "God's will for you." It is not health problems, finances, nor consequences of your actions. The action of "taking up your cross" is NOT beyond your control. It is the daily dying and denying my flesh in order to let God have control. This is a voluntary action in which you will endure suffering. Jesus said to his disciples "If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me." Matthew 16:24

I'm thankful for joy and love and knowing God is always the same, but His grace is pure and His mercies are new every morning. (Paraphrased) "The Lord's mercies are new every morning!! Great is His faithfulness!...The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him." Lamentations 3:22-25

Today I'm thanking God for a new day...

Love ~ Happy Valentine's Day!

Here's my personal perspective on I Corinthians 13 ~ LOVE = God 

Substitute the word for what the word stands for = God
 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [God], I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love [God], I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love [God], I gain nothing. 4 Love [God] is patient, love [God] is kind. It [God] does not envy, it [God] does not boast, it [God] is not proud. 5It [God] is not rude, it [God] is not self-seeking, it [God] is not easily angered, it [God] keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love [God] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It [God] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love [God] never fails. But where there are prophecies, they [God] will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it [God] will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection [God] comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love [God]. But the greatest of these is love [God]. 

I Corinthians 13 NIV

In me

I just want to share some thought with you...

This last year I have felt the presence of the Lord more than I have ever felt before. I hear Him ~ not like a booming voice, but in the gentleness of others and nature and in my conscience and self convictions... I’m still learning to internally “die” daily so that He may be there. He doesn’t force His way here... I have to continually tell Him I want Him there and I need Him there. I smell Him, I feel Him ~ I feel like He is so much a part of me than I am of myself, but I still have so much more to grow in Him. He does some incredibly amazing things I have just learned in the last year (and am still learning ~ oh, am I learning!) to see and hear those things and I’m learning to say thank you to Him. But I realize just as it is written in First John, I am a sinner ~ I am not perfect and therefore “me” must daily die so that He can live in me. Jesus came so that I may have grace from our sins and life and joy.

This makes me laugh... Yesterday I was sitting outside after work watching Natalie ride her bike up and down the street. I found myself smiling ~ not just from watching Natalie, but really smiling.... finding joy again. For many years I have robbed myself of my joy and peace ~ I refused to allow myself to be happy. I guess you could say I was having a pity party for myself. I woke up one day about a year ago and said ~ I WANT to be happy. And so my journey began. Happiness does not come from someone else ~ it comes from within yourself from God. That’s why it is so important that God be there, not just as a part of your life, but in everything. Others look to other people or things for their happiness, but happiness is not so much as contentment but rather Hope. The word contentment to me means that I am "settling" on something or "giving up" on something that could be greater than it is. “Christ in you is the HOPE of glory.” Col 1:27 WOO HOO!

As I sat there watching Natalie last night, I smelled a sweet, sweet smell ~ to describe the smell is a complete understatement, it was lavender, lilac, floral, clean, pure and resembled fabric softener (obviously ~ because someone was doing laundry in the neighborhood) but when I smelled that scent, I instantly thought ~ Mmmmmm, what an appealing smell.. I closed my eyes, found myself smiling... The smell would come and go and I could just imagine the scent was Holy Spirit dancing around me. (I’m learning to notice His presence.) It smells like how I would describe God. I closed my eyes again, gently swaying to the music of the smell and felt the Holy Spirit wrap comfort around me.... Then I laughed, what joy! I told Natalie to come here.... I asked her “do you smell that?” ~ she took in a big chest-rising sniff, sniffed again and held it in... She had a quirky look on her face with a slanted grin and puzzled brow, then let out the giant breath ~ she said “I think. Yah... It smells like chemicals.” I asked her if she liked it... “Yah, it smells good.” Then I told her how that scent is how I imagine what God smells like. She looked at me contently, shook her head in agreement, then hopped back on her bike for another stroll... ~Crazy??? I know, but I’m not making this up. This is how I sense Him all around me. He is so good and so real! And I thank Him for the renewing in my spirit. :)

I understand lack of joy comes from fear, but fear does not come from the God ~ only Love comes from God! “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 That is where my personal breakthrough began. I have always FEARED God because I know what He is capable of doing... He is the creator of all. If I can embrace the love ~ love over powers the fear. And right there... Is where I found peace and joy and a smile (again). This doesn’t mean I'm never going to have sadness there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...” Ecclesiastes 3:4. I also believe we should never compress those feelings, but we can encompass our strength to pull through the sadder times because we have peace and HOPE. :) Jesus said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10

I am not a holy rolling, preach to the crowd Christian... I believe God has given me a humble spirit and a servant heart. I believe that actions speak louder than words and hopefully God will shine out of me and splash someone who needs His love right smack in the face. :)