This last year I have felt the presence of the Lord more than I have ever felt before. I hear Him ~ not like a booming voice, but in the gentleness of others and nature and in my conscience and self convictions... I’m still learning to internally “die” daily so that He may be there. He doesn’t force His way here... I have to continually tell Him I want Him there and I need Him there. I smell Him, I feel Him ~ I feel like He is so much a part of me than I am of myself, but I still have so much more to grow in Him. He does some incredibly amazing things I have just learned in the last year (and am still learning ~ oh, am I learning!) to see and hear those things and I’m learning to say thank you to Him. But I realize just as it is written in First John, I am a sinner ~ I am not perfect and therefore “me” must daily die so that He can live in me. Jesus came so that I may have grace from our sins and life and joy.
This makes me laugh... Yesterday I was sitting outside after work watching Natalie ride her bike up and down the street. I found myself smiling ~ not just from watching Natalie, but really smiling.... finding joy again. For many years I have robbed myself of my joy and peace ~ I refused to allow myself to be happy. I guess you could say I was having a pity party for myself. I woke up one day about a year ago and said ~ I WANT to be happy. And so my journey began. Happiness does not come from someone else ~ it comes from within yourself from God. That’s why it is so important that God be there, not just as a part of your life, but in everything. Others look to other people or things for their happiness, but happiness is not so much as contentment but rather Hope. The word contentment to me means that I am "settling" on something or "giving up" on something that could be greater than it is. “Christ in you is the HOPE of glory.” Col 1:27 WOO HOO!
As I sat there watching Natalie last night, I smelled a sweet, sweet smell ~ to describe the smell is a complete understatement, it was lavender, lilac, floral, clean, pure and resembled fabric softener (obviously ~ because someone was doing laundry in the neighborhood) but when I smelled that scent, I instantly thought ~ Mmmmmm, what an appealing smell.. I closed my eyes, found myself smiling... The smell would come and go and I could just imagine the scent was Holy Spirit dancing around me. (I’m learning to notice His presence.) It smells like how I would describe God. I closed my eyes again, gently swaying to the music of the smell and felt the Holy Spirit wrap comfort around me.... Then I laughed, what joy! I told Natalie to come here.... I asked her “do you smell that?” ~ she took in a big chest-rising sniff, sniffed again and held it in... She had a quirky look on her face with a slanted grin and puzzled brow, then let out the giant breath ~ she said “I think. Yah... It smells like chemicals.” I asked her if she liked it... “Yah, it smells good.” Then I told her how that scent is how I imagine what God smells like. She looked at me contently, shook her head in agreement, then hopped back on her bike for another stroll... ~Crazy??? I know, but I’m not making this up. This is how I sense Him all around me. He is so good and so real! And I thank Him for the renewing in my spirit. :)
I understand lack of joy comes from fear, but fear does not come from the God ~ only Love comes from God! “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 That is where my personal breakthrough began. I have always FEARED God because I know what He is capable of doing... He is the creator of all. If I can embrace the love ~ love over powers the fear. And right there... Is where I found peace and joy and a smile (again). This doesn’t mean I'm never going to have sadness there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...” Ecclesiastes 3:4. I also believe we should never compress those feelings, but we can encompass our strength to pull through the sadder times because we have peace and HOPE. :) Jesus said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10
I am not a holy rolling, preach to the crowd Christian... I believe God has given me a humble spirit and a servant heart. I believe that actions speak louder than words and hopefully God will shine out of me and splash someone who needs His love right smack in the face. :)
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