lost my sole

For the last couple of weeks, I've been searching for a story in my heart. I've been asking God if He has something for me to say to lay it on my heart and make it clear to me. I have never considered myself a writer at all. And I have a hard time writing if I'm not seeking Him whole heartedly. I cannot write ~ I've tried on my own and I sit there and stare at a blank screen, but if I ask God to guide my heart I feel I have something to say. He knows I'm not doing this blog for me, but for all His glory, so I don't want to post anything that I don't feel like God is all over it. I know I have a touch of creativity ~ God has given me that talent, but I am not a writer. However, lately I feel like I have writers block. I have about 15 "stories" in my draft folder, but none are ready to be posted. I don't feel like they are complete. This morning, I asked God if He wants me to continue this blog to give me something to write about. Well, wouldn't you know... He has planted something on my heart and in my step ~ sorta speak.

The other night Natalie and I attended an open house for my friend and neighbors' new salon in town. We entered the door prize drawings as we arrived, walked around, grabbed a piece of pizza and chatted with a few friends we knew. The drawings for the door prizes began. I really had my heart set on the grand prize which was a Chi flat iron... the best on the market right now.

In the midst of the clatter, "Natalie Holt" was called out from the front of the salon. She was sitting with my sister at the time her name was drawn, so she scuffled through the crowd to find me. She acted a bit embarrassed but I encouraged her to go up and claim her prize. She looked at me with those big eyes, shaking her head "no," and waving me on to come with her. So, I shuffled her back to the front where she for some reason, started resisting my nudge. We were both wearing boots that evening and just as we were nearing the front of the salon, she stopped her feet right under me, forcing me to drop her to the ground, stumble over her, skipping and hopping a couple of feet in my boots until I grabbed on to a nine year old boy where I caught my balance. Natalie hit the floor, however, I managed to refrain from completely falling. I curtsied and introduced myself as "ms. grace" to the crowd as I made Natalie gather her winnings. Natalie went home with shower gel and lotion. I went home with a wounded ego.

There are times that I feel really alone and experience fear... physically and spiritually. Sometimes I feel lost. I am actually embarrassed to admit I have those feelings, but I do have them. God has given us the ability to be sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I feel God doesn't hear my cry. I feel there's a void between my heart and the big open sky thus the feelings of "writers block". I know there are going to be times that I don't feel God in everything, but that doesn't change the fact that He is right here in everything. I know He goes with me. He is in me. Everything good in me is Him. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." I know my God is with me... He promised He wouldn't leave me. I just long to wrap the emotion around Him and feel him deep in my soul... to feel the burning, stirring and longing.

It wasn't until this morning that I realized I was not seeking and longing with all my heart and soul. I wore the boots I wore the other night to the salon and it wasn't until I had arrived at work and was putting my lunch in the break room that I truly realized I was lost. Sometimes things change without actually realizing it until its already done. When I hit the polished concrete floor in the break room, I went slipping and sliding like I was walking on ice. I caught my balance and examined the bottom of my boots. There's the problem... the sole of my left boot heel was completely missing. I had lost my sole! ...probably at the salon when I so gracefully skated to the front. On carpet or anything not slippery, I cannot feel that I lost the sole on my left foot, but I subconsciously know that it's not there, so I'm walking a little more gentle today... a little more effort to compose grace. When I walked around the building, my left boot sounds like a "clink" while the right sounds like "clank." Luckily, I currently have no meetings to attend today, so I can sit at my desk for the majority of the day. LOL

I chuckled all the way back to my desk while I said thanks to God for giving me a story to write. God has quite a sense of humor when it comes to getting my attention. I don't want to subconsciously "lose" my soul. I don't want to walk around when my heart has changed without even realizing it. I must constantly be on guard and not let things on this earth get me down. With God and I, I don't always see His little hints, so most of the time it requires me falling on my butt with a good laugh to come back to spirituality! Yes, I lost my sole, but not my soul. Every step I take today, I will definitely be reminded of God's grace because it's going to take a LOT of grace to walk around in this broken boot all day!

Lord, thank you for the sunshine today ~ what a beautiful view outside! Thank you for giving me laughter and allowing me to sense Your presence. Please continue to use me as your daughter and your servant. Take me places You want me to go. Thanks for your grace for if it were not for your grace and mercy, I would not be here today. You are such an awesome God! In your precious son, Jesus', name!