hold the cross

I'm right now listening to one of my favorite hymns "Come and See the Cross." The lyrics sing "come and hold the cross". I think today is the first time I actually heard this line in the song. 

What a privilege it is to come to a Savior who has such selfless, unconditional love.  It's one thing to "see" the cross.. to know it is there. I see it. I also admire it. I have respect for it. I see the cross everywhere. It's a common decoration many people have in their homes and on their clothing. Often I take for granted seeing the cross. Now... come and see the crown of thorns that pierced him... see the blood and tears and hear the suffering.

And hear the cross... hear their cries and hear them nail him in vain. Hear the love cry, and learn to hold the cross. God sings a love song and longs evermore for my heart to hear Him; to hear Him suffering for me. 

"Hold" the cross... I know and feel the peace, the love, the power of the cross.  I see the scars from the crown of thorns and see how his sides were pierced.  I hear His cry. My heart breaks and feels how his heart was broken.... there was blood and tears and suffering for me. I see the cross, I hear the cross, but holding the cross gives me a clear perspective... a clear destiny... a love that does not die! ...a love whose Lamb was crucified. A Lamb who is alive and my heart forever holds Him!

"Come and hear the cross" He longs for my heart to hear Him! What an honorable statement to me! How blessed I am to have such a powerful God longing for me; to want me. I serve a gracious God! A merciful God! An awesome God! ...who wants me as His own. WOW, what a privilege to hold the cross.

Oh, Lord, You are an awesome God! You surprise me with your Holy Greatness everyday! Praise Your Name... Thank you for allowing me to hold the cross... to see the love you have for me! Thank you for the sacrificial Lamb! Lord, I don't deserve you, and yet, you still love and long for me! Thank you for your everlasting love song! Continue to keep the longing in my soul for more of You! I can't seem to get enough! You are worthy of all praise! In your precious son's name!

what a friend

It's been a while since my last post... Like I mentioned before... I'm still running a bit on "E." Just as I thought things might slow down after my business trip, soccer, etc., I was asked to teach third & fourth grade Sunday school. What's one more thing? Besides, I've always wanted to be involved with the children's program. I think life is going to slow down a little bit in a couple of weeks. Seems like soccer and school will both end at the same time for Natalie and I'm hoping it will free up a little extra time. 

There are times when I feel a bit alone more than others. Like this morning, I lie in bed as my mind races of things I have failed in and I start thinking of things I should have done or need to accomplish. Like right now, my bathroom is a mess... the drywall is showing through where I have taken down all the metal tiles and it's such a sore eye for me. My parents stayed at my house for a week while I was away on business and (bless their hearts) I actually felt sorry for them. They ended up fixing more things than I knew was wrong with the house and plan on coming back in a few weeks to fix more things. I'm grateful for their help, don't get me wrong, but embarrassed all the same. ...almost like I've failed to have it all together. Which brings me back to feeling alone. I know my dad thinks if I had a man around the house, then he could fix things for me ...woe, is me.

Today, a facebook friend posted this: Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. PSALM 73:23-26 

I've heard "diamonds are a girls best friend" and "a man's best friend is his dog" but who claims to be my best friend?  What a friend I have in Jesus! It's assuring to know that He keeps me safe and comforted and secure. As I studied my lesson for church how He feeds the multitude on two small fish and five small loaves of bread, I'm instantly reminded of how He supplies all my needs.  With only the smallest of things, He was capable of doing the unthinkable. The end of the lesson reads: "The boy who gave his lunch to Jesus had no idea what Jesus was going to do with his gift. In the  same way, we don't know what Jesus might do with the kind things we do for others." Wow... here I am thinking "woe, is me" when it's not about me at all. Christ and his disciples crossed the Sea of Galilee to get some rest only to find the multitudes waiting on them to be taught and healed.  Christ over looked his desires to rest and tended to the people.  His continuing sacrifice... 

I'm grateful for my everlasting friend.  Even when I think I am alone, He is here with me. I love the old gospel hymn, What a Friend We have In Jesus. It's so true that I often forfeit peace and bear pain, when He has made the sacrifice for me to be able to turn those things over to him. 

What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; Take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Lord, thank you for keeping me and my family safe. Thank you for my family's willingness to help me and show me your selfless sacrifice. Thank you for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the food on my table for it is you who supplies all of my needs and I am grateful.  Thank you for your grace and everlasting peace. You are so worthy of all our praise! In your son's precious name.

"E"

Life is a whirlwind right now... So hectic with work, involvement with church, Natalie's soccer, school functions, gymnastics, and an overseas trip coming up... I'm having difficulty slowing down. When it comes to my job, it seems to move ninety miles an hour from one obstacle to the next while leaping hurdles which some people say I'm crazy to even try to jump over. Sometimes I feel if I don't try, my faith in God sit idol. Sometimes I enjoy putting myself on these lines only to prove to myself that He is on my side (not in a "testing God" mind frame...but with 100% faith knowing with His help, I can accomplish this task). With God on my side, nothing is impossible. Jesus states, in Luke 18:27 "What is impossible with men is possible with God." However, with a commitment I gave my coworkers I found myself with two late nights in the office last week. One night as I was leaving the office, I actually felt a little relief and joy knowing I had just completed a huge task for an important meeting the next morning... meanwhile, everything else still piled up. When I finally laid my head on my pillow that night I started thinking of the tasks I still needed to get done at home... laundry, dishes...my mind raced. My success was based on accomplishing these tasks when almost everything (and everyone) else suffered from my sacrifice of time and energy. My body was on "E" so I decided to block out the "to do" list and try to get some rest.

Last Monday while driving Natalie to school, the "low fuel" light came on my car. Okay, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit, but I ignored the light. Well, two days on "E" left me stranded on the side of the road. Yes, for the second time in my life, I ran out of fuel... Coincidentally, not only was I not finding time to stop and fill up my car, I wasn't taking time for my body, my spirit nor my mind to be refueled either. My "to do list" includes time with God. Had I just unintentionally placed God to the side instead of out in the front leading me? Yah, at that exact moment... I had. If I'm too busy for God... I must really be way too busy.

I thought about the song "Busy Man" by Steven Curtis Chapman. His lyrics talk about being way too busy for God. Am I running with my eyes closed and missing life all along the way and not even know it? "Things" seem to take residence in my life a lot of times... I think I need this; and I want that. So with all this wanting, I work harder to make those things happen and be a part of my life. Is this really what it's all about? ...just to have more things? Matthew 6: 24 Jesus says that I cannot have two masters; I will either be devoted to one and despise the other, but I cannot serve both God and money. Many time I let the idea of having material items or "being known" for accomplishing something (but requires many personal, spiritual sacrifices) in my life be my goal... to be my success. People have told me... "you seem to have it together." Oh, man... little do they know that my head is a mess! Back to Matthew 6 in verse 25 and 26 say, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" I am too busy and I'm just trying to make it through the day on my own. I need God and I want Him there! I'm so glad He cares about me and the birds; I long to have the faith of those little birds.

There is more to life than just trying to make it through the days and the weeks... There is so much more! Jesus Christ was sent to earth for me to give me more to this life. I can't make it through a single day without God; nor do I want to try. It's difficult to run on "E" for very long; I know God is always there... and he offers me the fuel to make it through. It's not the cars fault that I ran out of gas ~ it's my fault. It was a great reminder when I was left stranded on the side of the road to stay focused on the fuel gauge and take the time to refuel... especially with God.

shameless embrace

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv0qZl_Qu84 I love the lyrics to this song so here's a link so I can listen to it over and over... Coincidentally both Sunday school class and pastors' message was about completely committing myself. ...denying myself and being completely unashamed. ..so far as saying "Ask God to change me; to know God and to work with God and have no shame... completely unapologetic."

Yes! He literally said "unapologetic!"

Okay, I have only heard "unapologetic" used a handful of times in my life... mostly within the last week. When Sue said that last week, I knew there was more in store for me in due time. I heard that word ring out to me so loud and clearly as though I was standing in a bell tower at noon. What a journey! It is absolutely refreshing to hear God and situations such as this remind me that He has again paved the way for my ears to be open and hear what He wants me to hear? What a journey!

In Romans 1:16 Paul's letter to Rome he encourages them by saying he has been longing to see them and is excited to sharing with them about Christ now that he has permission. He says it feels like it is an obligation (verse 14) to reach everyone, but in verse 16 states he (Paul) is not ashamed of the gospel. Romans 1:16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 17For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." Paul wrote that he was not ashamed of the gospel... The gospel... the power God gives for salvation of everyone who believes and obeys. Because the gospel is the power of God. The gospel is where righteousness is revealed and it is the righteous that will live by faith ~ the faith of the power of God.

Timothy also states in 2 Timothy 1 about the Power of God. He says in verse seven, that God did not give us the spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. Since we are given this spirit of power, I should not be ashamed to testify about our Lord. Timothy says he is a prisoner and is suffering for the gospel.

My journey with God is amazing! I want God to be my all... breath, thoughts, my everything. I don't want to be ashamed of the gospel. I want to be so fully wrapped up in Him that I am consumed from the inside out. I'm not perfect, I fall, I fail, but His grace and mercy is there to pick me up and keep trying. All to bring Him the glory!!

Today at church we sang "From The Inside Out" by Hillsong lyrics:
A thousand times I've failed; Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again; Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else; My purpose remains;
The art of losing myself; in bringing you praise

In my heart, in my soul; I give you control; Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise become my embrace; To love you from the inside out

Isaiah 40:26-31 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Lord, You hear my soul cry out for more of you; I give you control. Thank you for never growing tired or weary. You are the everlasting God. You are the Creator of the ends of the earth. Thank you for sending your Son to live out the gospel. Consume me from the inside out. Thank you for the spirit of power and strength. Thank you for forgiving me when I fail. Thank you for embracing me as I want to shamelessly embrace You. In your Son's loving name I pray.

unapologetic patience

Tuesday at work I was in meetings all day. We are working on the brand essence and strategy of one of our internal licensed properties. We hired a consultant to come in and talk to us about where this product line currently stands and where she thought we might need to invest our time going forward. She said something so clear and profound to me. It hit home to me on a professional as well as personal level. Sue said, "Intentionally become something. Do that something well and be completely unapologetic about it."

I recently talked about temptations and how being tempted doesn't equal sin. In the first chapter of James he tells me to consider my experience all joy when I am facing trials and temptations because it is in the trials my faith develops patience. A few years ago I struggled through many difficult situations ~ one right after another and sometimes large waves overlapping waves. I remember asking "why?" many times. I remember specifically one afternoon while talking to my dad on the phone, he asked me if I was praying for patience. I assured him I was not, but I could have muttered it a time or two under my breath. I think especially since I was raising an "almost two year old" and there were days that I was lacking patience. I completely believe God hears every word of my prayers. If I ask for something such as patience, He will see to it that I learn and sometimes those lessons are almost more than I can handle. So now, I just be sure to thank Him often for the patience He has given me. James goes on to say that learning patience, allows me to maturely grow and become spiritually complete, meaning I lack nothing.

In James 1:13 I am instructed to not accuse God of tempting me. "13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." Wow! that's powerful. So, I hope I'm understanding these verses correctly: God doesn't tempt me because as stated in verse 16 only good and perfect gifts from from Him. It is my own evil, fleshly desires that pull me away from God. So since I know verse 16 is true, I need to be cautious of what I allow to influence me. When I fall and give in to my desires, to give in to my temptations... I immediately have committed sin. It is the action taken upon the desire where I fall. And in every Sunday School lesson growing up, I know that even the "smallest" of sin is still sin. And sin in evidently equals spiritual death. BUT James reassures me in verse 17 that I am blessed and will receive a crown of life just as God has promised to those who love Him and have perseveres under trial when he stood the test. God wants me to conquer my fleshly desires. It is part of the daily processes of dying the flesh to understand His will for me!

When Sue said the words, "be unapologetic about who you are," I smiled. I've been asking God to make me transparent and be honest with myself and in turn, I can be honest with God. As stated in Luke 16 He knows my heart. Yes, I'm tempted. But knowing God is on my side, and with His help to overcome temptation I have nothing to apologize for being on this journey with God and becoming who He wants me to be.

Lord, thank you for the patience you have given to me. The trials that you have given me patience to persevere has only strengthened my faith in you and I appreciate You more. Thank you for being unapologetic about who You are! James stated it beautifully in verse 17, "Father of Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." I'm so grateful You have always been, are, and always will be the same God. Thank you for the family you have given me and Your healing power. It is only through You, I claim victory over sickness, trials and claim victory over temptations. Thank you, dear God, for Your mercy and grace. In your son's glorious name, Jesus, I pray.

transparent

I'm currently reading a book called, "transparent" by Sarah Zacharias Davis. She has interviewed many ladies and taken many different perspectives of life in general. This book is about getting honest about who I am and in turn who I want to be. It's truth, out on the table ~ from the heart of different women. In the first chapter she talks about a woman named, Whitney. It's titled "finding the courage to be me." After the entire chapter going through her description of her strong will and intimidating personality, what related to me was the very last paragraph. She says, "You might think I'm too strong or that I voice my opinion too readily, but that's okay. Because I've come to a place where I believe if I'm good enough for God, then I am good enough for everyone else. And I know he's still working on me, so you don't need to worry. It was a long path to get to where I am today. But this is who I am, and I really believe that it would be wrong not to live according to that reality. That assurance, that knowledge has set me free to be the person God intended." After reading the first part of the chapter, I know she doesn't say this with arrogance nor is she saying this with the intent that "this is who I am" as a viable excuse for sinning. I know her words were genuine and the way I interpreted them was close to home. I believe she is saying that the world... doesn't matter if God is not in the picture. If I know that I'm trying to do right in the eyes of God, the rest of the world will fall in place.

Today in church we studied temptation. Funny how I've just referenced Jesus' temptation in the wilderness a few days ago. Guess where the sermon began? Yep... Luke 4. There He goes.. paving the way again. Isn't it refreshing. It's just like the seeds.

Okay, back to my thoughts. While reading this book, my desire right now is to be transparent. I want to continue to live a life without "skeletons in the closet." I want to knock down any walls, take off any masks and be completely true with myself... even if I know it hurts sometimes ...so I can be true in my relationship with others and with God. The women in this book began each chapter constantly comparing themselves to other women, beating themselves up for not living up to either God's standards or other women's standards. They vulnerably open their hearts with their most insecure secrets. I don't think that I have many insecurities, but I could sure relate to all of these women in one way or another with their insecurities, loneliness, preoccupation with appearance or fear of letting others know the real you. I think the best way to judge my own self is to look at myself when I am completely alone. What am I doing when no one else knows?

So, what is my temptation? That's between me and God and He is working in me. Today Pastor Jay said, "Temptation does NOT equal sin." Jesus was tempted, but was sinless. The acting on temptation is sin, but being tempted and overcoming temptation only proves my strength and faith. Many times when I think about temptation in general, a heavy weight settles on me. If I've acted on temptation or want to act on temptation I start feeling like I've done something wrong and look to hide or turn my back on God so I don't have to face him. But so much of that is the opposite. I know I can't hide from God ~ he sees and knows all. It is in those tempted times I don't need to be running from Him, I need to be running straight into his arms! I need to ask Him for strength and face my temptation head on. Jesus was tempted for many reasons, Hebrews 2 tells me that He was tempted and suffered through the temptation so that could become merciful and gain wisdom to help me though my temptations. Hebrews 2:18 Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Being transparent and true to myself allows me to use the strength given to me by God to conquer my fears and temptations. In Romans 8:6 states The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Verse 12 says I have an obligation, but also acquiring His power to overcome in the spirit.

Psalm 119:1-2 sings out that Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walks according to the law of the Lord. Blessed are they who keep statutes and seek him with all their heart. I want to always seek Him, carry the law in my heart and not sin against Him. This doesn't mean that I won't be tempted. It's that I will have the power in me to overcome temptation thus leaving me purer and transparent.

Lord, thank you again for intentionally paving the way for me. Thank you for allowing me to hear and better understand your word. I seek your guidance in all I do. You are an honored guest in my life and I ask you to continue to be the breath and thoughts in me. Lord, I ask You to not lead me into temptation, but if I must be tempted, give me your strength to overcome. Help me to remove anything blocking me from you and to make me as transparent as you would have me to be. I ask You to guide my path and help me make steps in accordance to what you would have me do. I exalt you. Your love endures forever! In Jesus' precious and holy name I pray.

growing

Wow time has gone by so fast! Seems like yesterday, my little girl was barely pronouncing her L's. Today, she is reading! I can still hear Natalie saying, "I yuv yittle yizzards." She almost has her first full year of school behind her. She's growing up so fast right in front of me.

Tonight in church we talked about growing in our journey with God. The question was posed... does it ever get easy (the journey with God)? Immediately I thought about Peter saying that it is through the tough times that my faith grows stronger. I can't imagine the journey with God ever being a journey without trials. I've had this discussion before. The thoughts of being idle or comfortable made me think it was time to evaluate what was going on in life. I think it could be easy to get stuck in a rut of everyday life where I could lose track of God. What I mean is that... when I feel life is going pretty smooth, I tend to lose a little focus on God ~ not a lot, just enough to make me stop and ask myself, oh... where's God in all this? I'm not saying I have lost God at all... just making sure I am acknowledging him all the time.

It's at that exact moment, I stop and resubmit myself to God and ask Him to be the breath and thoughts in me. ...make sense?

Growing in Him ~ does that ever stop? Will I ever get a point in my life that I am right with God?

Am I human? ...then no. There will never be a time that I am 100% right with God ~ this doesn't mean I don't try. I think it's the humble spirit in me that can't say I am completely right with God. I don't want to be at a point that I'm not learning more about Him and the journey we are on.

Today my sister and I went to lunch together and we stopped at a local nursery. In the midst of the greenhouse I saw a glimpse of God's canvas ~ beautiful shades of yellow, reds, whites in a bed of different shades of green. The flowers were gorgeous ~ I was awed! He truly paints a beautiful picture in nature.

Natalie and I stocked up on flowers this weekend. We planted anything she could get her little hands on; even a few strawberry plants. The dogwood tree in the backyard is in full bloom along with the azalea bushes. Her Pawpaw gave us some seeds last year and we have planted cups in the house where they are beginning to sprout. We have over a dozen styrofoam cups lined up in the office; each one specifically marked with the different seeds and colors. She and I are carefully watering them every other day and keeping a watchful eye on them to see if they sprout. We have several sprouting already. Oh, was she ever excited to see the little green stalks poking out above the soil .

I thought about how God views us in very similar ways. He has planted a seed in me to spark the faith in Him; little by little He allows me to see and experience things showing me His love and faithfulness. I can just imagine Him standing over me as Natalie and I stand over the cups several times a day just to view in to see if there is anything new growing inside. I just hope that He is excited over what He sees in me as Natalie and I are when we see the seedlings sprouting above the soil.

Ultimate growth victory is to hear from my father, "well done, my true and faithful servant," but I know I am so far from hearing those words. His spirit that abides in me is so real and alive just as His word. I don't want to lose the passion I have in my daily journey to learn and grow more in Him.

Lord, I know that I am your child. I know I have a long journey ahead of me and with you by my side, I am able to grow. Thank you for looking in me and planting that seed of faith. This journey we are on is an amazing adventure and I am overwhelmed with excitement just imagining what you have in store for Natalie and I. Thank you for allowing me to know you. Thank you for the eyes to see you in everything ~ you do incredible work! I give you the praise and glory in your Son, Jesus', precious name.